THE BIGGER PICTURE: Mistreatment, violence, exploitation and abuse are widespread in our society. On one level, we have come to take it for normal, remaining numb and blind to continuous poverty, hunger, war and suffering. On another, we struggle to grasp the pervasiveness of injustice in our daily interactions and relationships.
It is wonderful that so much of the time we are able to focus on the goodness of humanity, the effort of people to move beyond conflict, and on love. Yet, so many of us struggle at a fundamental level and cannot see why. Within such turmoil, the issue of blame deserves consideration.
It could be argued that blame is a positive thing, highlighting guilt so that responsibility can be taken. In reality, however, blame has little to do with being responsible. Rather, it is employed either to evade responsibility or in hopes that someone else will assume it. Whether you have righteousness on your side or not, blame leads us down a path of greater destruction, and away from healing.
In the world today, "pointing blame" seems to be employed more often by those at fault than by the victims. It is broadly used as a mask for accountability, justifying powerlessness. More worryingly, it is the spark that ignites violence. Only when one is committed to the belief that another is responsible for their problems, and also has the ability to assert physical or psychological control, that we see the emergence of a cycle of abuse. Force fuelled by blame results in violent domination.
There are times, however, when one might be justified in handing out blame - as an aggrieved party, you deserve justice, requiring social acknowledgement of your experience.
The absence of such recognition, however, will paralyse us - causing us repeatedly to ask who is guilty. In this way, blame becomes a response to an absence of a voice, often as a last resort. Yet, even for a victim, this road seems to be filled with ruts that inevitably trap us.
Blame allows us to hand over responsibility, insisting that forward progress requires someone else's action. Whether or not we were responsible for the events of the past, however, does not change our ability to take charge in the future. While our experiences of injustice - having been mistreated, overpowered, violated or dismissed - are completely valid, becoming stuck in our need for acknowledgement arrests our healing, leaving us disempowered.
It is true that, at one point in history, someone else probably was in charge of our struggles and well-being. Most of these incidents, however, are firmly in our past. They can only have occurred when we were so small, when we were physically and emotionally dependent on others for safety and protection.
Although we are now fully capable as adults, most of us still feel disempowered. In this way, we remain fixed on the idea that someone else has caused our pain. In order to grow, heal and develop, however, at some point we will have to take it ourselves.
Sometimes, it is important to face the pain of an absence of our voice. While there is no question that this absence is both cruel and unjust, requiring someone else to acknowledge and hear that voice keeps us dependent.
The fact is that we are at this point because that party has shown a continuous inability to be accountable and treat us well in the first place. Ironically, we are now the ones unable to face reality. Regardless of the damage their behaviour has caused, giving them our power continues to hurt us.
Blame stands like a wall, preventing one from facing what is really an earth-shattering struggle.
It is too easy to say - we've all heard the phrases - "turn the other cheek", "offer forgiveness" or "let go".
Yet none of them go any way to acknowledge or assist us through our pain. There is a pain to be faced and an injustice to be reconciled with. And, sometimes facing that lack of recognition, that momentary loss of voice, is necessary to move forward.
Our current world system is unfair and causes endless pain, affecting even the intimacies of our interpersonal relationships. Acknowledging this can offer a great power and strength to those who deserve justice. The alternative - to be dependent on external recognition - can take hold like a disease inside us.
One of the most difficult things for someone to do when they have been victimised is to believe in themselves and let their own truth be enough. This is notwithstanding the fact that we all need people to believe in and fight for us.
We all need justice to come to light and powerlessness overturned. However, the fact that many of our battles do not end with justice does not mean that justice is not being built. Growing from strife, getting smarter through the struggle, is of utmost importance. Freedom of our own mind and selves is of the greatest value.
• Shalini Sinha is an independent producer and journalist. She is a counsellor on equality issues and has lectured on women's studies in UCD. She co-presents RTÉ's intercultural programme Mono.