THAT'S MEN:Our sexual orientation may be guided by culture as much as by biology, writes Padraig O'Morain
'IF YOU look at the number of women wearing trousers walking down Grafton Street any day, there is a very high percentage who appear to like wearing trousers," writes Seán, a reader responding to a column I wrote a while back about the use of cosmetics by men.
Eighty or 100 years ago, he writes, all the women walking down Grafton Street would be in dresses or skirts. "So, the question is, if there was more acceptance of cross-dressing for men, and they were freely allowed their choice in this, could you see as many men in a similar percentage to current day women, wearing skirts or dresses down Grafton Street? I think so," Seán writes.
Yet we live in fairly liberal times, so if Seán is right how come we rarely (so far as we know) see men dressing in women's clothes? "Western society would like to keep such men in the dark ages," Seán argues. Indeed, he claims, the West "adopts the same stance as the ayatollahs in Iran to blocking progress for men and society".
Seán argues that 99 per cent of married men include "thoughts of clothing, underwear, make-up, shoes, high heels, tights" in their sexual fantasies. Personally, I don't give a damn what people fantasise about in the privacy of their own minds, but I find it really hard to believe that 99 per cent of us fantasise about wearing women's clothes.
"Men need help and support to get the correct balance into their lives," Seán writes. "Balance means being able to be more open about enjoying things that women can enjoy freely.
"This means acceptance that men do have a huge hidden world, acceptance that men cannot progress outside this world quickly or easily, acceptance that men secretly wish to escape the repression of this hidden world, acceptance that man's lot and position in the world can be improved."
I was reminded of Seán's letter when the BBC reported that a secondary school in Thailand has built a separate toilet for transgender boys. Outside the toilet, "in front of the mirrors, some decidedly girly-looking teenage boys preen their hair and apply face cream", the BBC said.
According to the head teacher, between 10 and 20 per cent of the boys consider themselves to be transgender. But they were teased by other boys and the girls were unhappy with them using their toilet facilities.
Does this mean, I wonder, that ideas about sexuality owe less to biology and more to culture than we like to think? Are there heterosexual and gay people who would make different sexual choices in different cultures and feel in each case that this was the "natural" choice?
I think Seán is talking about something other than this.
I think he is talking about heterosexual men who want to wear women's clothes and use make-up.
Seán is angry that women can wear men's clothes, but men can't wear women's clothes.
Actually, I would argue that few women set out to look like men. The trouser suit is feminine. Lesbians are often caricatured as deliberately "mannish" in appearance. Well, take a look at the Gay Pride parade and you'll find very, very few women who look "mannish".
In Thailand, the boys who want to wear make-up are teased by the other boys. Therefore opposition to, or disdain for, men who want to put on the appearance of women seems to run deep.
" . . . if you have not yet bought your make-up, you need help from someone who can do this for you, without disrupting your hidden world, because society is not quite ready to let you fully out of it yet," advises Seán.
"But please realise that nearly all guys are trapped in the same hidden world, and secretly would love to explore it more fully, more openly and more honestly."
I don't agree with Seán's sweeping statements about "all guys" but no doubt there is a small proportion of men who are of the same mind as Seán.
The trouble with hidden worlds is that everyone is guessing - and Seán is probably correct in saying that the price for emerging into public view is just too high.
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Padraig O'Morainis a counsellor. His book, That's Men, the best of the That's Men columns from The Irish Timesis published by Veritas.