THE BIGGER PICTURE: Lately I've been noticing how many people in our society struggle with diversity.
I'm not just talking about the obvious big issues here, such as racism, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. While institutional inequalities are of enormous concern and we continue to have a hard time in getting 'good thinking' and appropriate policies in place to confront issues that arise under these headings, sometimes the daily struggle for most people isn't that grand. Very small things seem to hijack our senses and aggravate our levels of stress.
In conversation these days, people seem to have very little time for simple variations in opinions. Having a different standpoint or making different choices seems to be a really irritating thing. People fly into a frenzy of frustration and impatience; voice levels rise harbouring intolerance and desperation; the goal is to ensure that everyone present agrees. It's a ridiculous pointless exercise.
What's more, it makes no sense that we should all agree with each other. I'm not suggesting we aim for painful and destructive conflicts, but what makes sense is that we would each offer a different and useful point of view.
We live in a society of human beings. That means highly perceptive, intelligent, creative, independent individuals (if all's going well), and we should each generate a valid and unique perspective. Rather than delighting in this and learning from each other, it strikes most people as an annoying hindrance.
There is, of course, a greater force at work here, wielding an influential agenda that catches most of us off-guard. We nurture and participate in a highly structured and hierarchical capitalistic society. We demand that people fall into place and become members of an enormous assembly line that steers inconceivable amounts of resources into the hands of a very few. Those who don't make it are out of the loop. Those who do survive, even succeed, become guardians of the regime.
Beginning with our school system, it extends right through to the workforce and general socialisation.
Our marketing industry exacerbates it by measuring its success by the number of us who have agreed to become exactly like the next person in our 'target market group' mass. Sadly, their role is not to explore how their product might play a part or be useful in our lives, but to find ways that as many of us as possible will buy as many as possible. They survive if our individuality ceases to exist.
How we consistently treat our children is always a good measure for how things are going in society.
Even in our "family-centred" Ireland, there's not a lot of room for children to be themselves. Most people go crazy when young people are let run around, scream, cry, jump or when they consistently say no to whatever it is we want them to do. I'm not talking about the stuff that hurts people or damages property, but those things that do not, in all actuality, harm anything except to appear to pierce our hearts. A child's expression is often seen as intensely annoying, and certainly not how 'civilised' people are supposed to behave.
More accurately, it's not how we've been allowed to behave, and watching others have the licence to do it is like salting a wound. It takes all our self-restraint to avoid letting them know it's unacceptable. If we feel more empowered, we will rightly tell them it's not allowed. The whole place would, of course, be a much nicer place to live if we could all be free to express our individual self creatively.
Rooted within our frustration is an emptiness that comes from not being heard or let express ourselves. We compete with each other, not simply for a voice but for dominance. If we can make others agree with us, we can feel better about ourselves. If we can't, we will feel slighted. Either way, we rarely recover a sense of being properly heard.
It is a shame that so many people feel criticised or rejected so quickly when someone presents a counter point of view. In this world, it has become increasingly difficult to be so sure of one's own goodness (and respectfully committed to the goodness of others) that we can see diversity in opinions as adding value to us, not detracting value from us.
The competition for expression is a constant reminder to me of how deep our need for acknowledgement goes, and how consistently we didn't get it when it really mattered - when we were younger, freer and our self-esteem was in formation.
Of course, we will always want and need people around with whom we can share a vision, outlook and view of the world, people with whom we are not always in conflict, but can give and receive important support and validation.
Still, just being validated all the time isn't helpful either. Rather, they rob us of opportunities to learn and grow.
Shalini Sinha is an independent producer/journalist, and a counsellor on equality issues. She has lectured on women's studies in UCD, and presents Mono, RTÉ's intercultural programme.