SECOND OPINION:There are few things in life that can't be explained by logic. Religion is one; the appeal of a chip sandwich, another. Depression is one more to add to the pile, and with it, its most traumatic and harrowing results: self-harm and suicide.
That “we’re seeing an awful lot of suicide in the media” isn’t as a result of the agenda of or decision by any one individual. The media is duty-bound to report the news if such news is in the public interest, and an epidemic of suicide – that has, according to some reports, grown to 60 deaths a month – is certainly worth shedding light on.
But why increase the trauma and distress of families grappling with a decision taken by a loved one to leave them all behind, to end a life that they had invested so much in? It is argued that, by reporting on suicide, we help reduce the attached stigma – we are opening the floodgates for others who have considered the same to come forward to friends, family, colleagues, peers or teachers, and tell them of their suffering. But how can you explain depression, despair and feelings of hopelessness to people who can not – and will not – understand?
I have never been one who holds back – I am, anyone who knows me will attest, a sharer. Not that it did me much good when it came to talking about my depression, which began when I was in college, and continued until an eventual medical diagnosis and prescription last year.
When I spoke to friends and family, they were sympathetic. I got tea and cake and hugs, but I also got questions I couldn’t answer. “What have you to be depressed about?” they would ask, while filling my cup.
It was – and is – a question that fills me with guilt. I have a good job, a loving partner, great friends and, unlike many, I’m not suffering greatly as a result of the country’s economic problems. In short, there is nothing wrong with my life.
But I am suffering, alongside many others. There is something fundamentally wrong – with how I cope with stress, or with how I rationalise disappointment, or maybe just with how my brain manufactures serotonin, a neurotransmitter thought to be involved in how the body produces feelings of happiness and wellbeing.
Though feelings are perceived, rather than seen, depression is something deeper, more insidious, that can not always be expressed or explained. And when you can’t apply logic to a problem, when you can’t figure out what is wrong and why, there seems, sometimes, to be no light at the end of the tunnel – both for the sufferer and for the sympathetic listener, trying to help but not knowing how to.
It’s all well and good to talk about suicide – but if we are hoping this increased chatter will encourage those who are in emotional turmoil to come forward and talk about it, it’s essential that we know how to frame the conversation. In this instance, understanding does not begin with the story of why; instead, it is a story of how. How can we fight something we cannot see? We can listen, we can empathise and, where necessary, we can refer to medical professionals.
I have learned to let go of my feelings of guilt, the feeling that I am being ungrateful for what is, let’s face it, this fairly decent hand I’ve been dealt. Because this is not a game of logic that we play – and no number of headlines or column inches can explain the inexplicable. It’s good to talk, but we need to know what to say before we start.