The Bigger PictureShalini SinhaI've stopped multi-tasking, well nearly. It's not that I planned or expected it. Rather, it came upon me gradually . . . while I was doing other things . . . the natural progression of a seed planted in my mind a few years ago.
I'm a woman, and apparently multi-tasking is what we do. Still, even girl-children aren't born multi-tasking.
Of course, none of us are born able to do much, but when I see a baby now and engage with that very steady stare they have, it doesn't look like they're frantically juggling multiple thoughts in their head. Rather, it seems as though inside that head is the input of one solid thought at a time.
Furthermore, I don't know necessarily that women are biologically better designed to multi-task. Indeed, I believe any man who holds a job that demands this skill will be able to demonstrate it. Rather, it seems women today feel we have to fulfil many, demanding roles at once: we are friend, counsellor, loving partner, nurturing parent, career woman, administrator, manager, nutritionist, driver, all in 16 waking hours.
To me, it has felt like my life has been in a constant state of emergency. That's stressful.
I know where I learned it. I was distinctly taught and actively coerced into multi-tasking. My mum led a very busy life. From the time I was eight years old, she worked full time outside of the home, looked after the household food buying and preparation and management of chores, kept up her interest in arts and crafts, volunteered locally in the community, raised us, and was the key to ensuring our family maintained some sort of social life.
She handled and juggled everything, and she did it with style, grace and high levels of success.
It was common that I'd be watching TV when she came home, and within minutes a bowl of vegetables would appear in front of me to be peeled and chopped as I sat. She taught me just how much could be achieved in an ad break: laundry sorted, hovering done, toilets cleaned.
She managed and delegated. If I was to watch TV, I was expected to accomplish at least one useful task in that time.
In my family, we loved it. We were efficient! We got things done! We even had fun while we did it: things were done while watching TV, dancing to music, sitting in the back of the car, in the audience of a school concert.
Multi-tasking was our "game" - an adventure - and we got better at it every day.
I learned something useful from this: I developed the belief that I could do anything. However, mastering the skill of multi-tasking allowed for the odd distortion: that I could do nearly everything right now!
The unexpected thing about getting so much done is the frustration that builds up when you don't seem to achieve your vision in any of it.
Vision takes time, depth and breath - yes, I mean "breath": space to breathe, imagine, nourish, create and enjoy. Vision takes focus, and focus means choosing not to do some things.
I also discovered that multi-tasking is tiring and stressful. It takes a lot of energy to perform at our peak all the time - more than we can reasonably put back into ourselves in our down time.
For me, things changed a few years ago when my father was studying the teachings of Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh.
His name literally means "one action". He realised that focusing on one action was the key to "mindfulness" and so peace.
My father became excited about this idea and wanted me to share it. My first thought was, "Yeah right, and who taught me to be like this?" But, as he explained it so well, a seed was planted.
It takes time to change some of the deepest habits of our minds. But, it is possible. Sometimes life is about planting seeds and letting them grow. I couldn't stop multi-tasking then, but the idea grew.
It's started showing in my life now. If I'm honest, I haven't fully stopped multi-tasking, but I have fully lost the desire to do it.
Rather than looking at my life in terms of how much I can do and how I can use every moment, I'm seeing it in terms of joy in every moment.
It's comforting to know I am able to multi-task. If some great emergency came upon me, I could effectively and efficiently orchestrate several different, fully necessary, life-saving tasks all at once. It makes me feel able, useful, competent and skilled. Luckily, it no longer defines me.
I haven't lost my sense that I can do anything. By slowing down, however, I've noticed more dimensions of me have become engaged.
While I was "busy", I didn't notice how a lot of me was neglected and uninvolved. Now, with fewer "things to do", more of me is involved in the doing.
ssinha@irish-times.ie
www.shalinisinha.com
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and practises the Bowen technique in Dublin and Wexford.