Disappointing marks can lead to trauma but there may be alternative and even better ways for children to reach their goal, writes Nuala Macklin
The Leaving Certificate exam results can be the trigger for a lifetime of status anxiety. It is the time when a child is subjected to their first public evaluation and, depending on the outcome, can also mean a very public humiliation.
Rightly or wrongly, exam results become the screen through which a child is now viewed, having been protected by the mantle of school and home life until now. The students will evaluate themselves, their friends and peers based on the outcome of this mandatory rite of passage.
With vast support available on exam preparation techniques, there is significantly less focus on the outcome and how to cope with disappointing results. Right in the middle of this highly charged emotional event will be the parents who will also have been through the exam mill. How they handle their child's disappointment will be crucial in obtaining the best from what might at first appear to be a hopeless situation.
Consulting psychologist Fíona Kelly Meldon says failure doesn't always have to be all bad. "What can seem like a negative is often one of the most positive things that can happen in your life. When stopped in your tracks, the decisions you make at the end of the day are more likely to help you achieve what you actually want, rather than what you thought you wanted," she says.
Her advice to parents when the results come out is to hold off on any discussion or problem-solving for a few days. She says: "When the results come out, students are either jumping for joy, or when they don't do well, they are bereft. The pre-exam anxiety turns into a trauma reaction, with shock and disbelief rolled into one. Simultaneously, the parents are now coping with their own grief, as well as that of their child."
A child might feel they have let down their parents or a teacher and not want to talk about the situation as they deal with their disappointment.
Kelly Meldon says: "It is well known that this adolescent period is a risk-time, with a significant increase in suicides with this age group. Young adults have a lot more freedom, with access to alcohol and mood-altering drugs leading to difficulties. Don't put changes in behaviour down simply to the Leaving Cert. Seek professional help if you are worried, as it can be symptomatic of something much wider."
Following a cooling-off period, Kelly Meldon recommends that someone from outside the immediate family be brought in to help address what happened, and evaluate the situation in a level-headed, unemotional way. This should be someone the child trusts and feels free to express themselves to.
"Everyone has a track record they can look back on for answers. Pressure may have come from the student themselves, or it can have come from their peers. Sometimes, it can be a child who wanted to do better, but were wide off the mark at being able to evaluate their own competency, or were fooling themselves about the effort they actually put in. Maybe the student didn't have a good exam technique and may have misread questions, or they knew their stuff, but just couldn't structure their answers in a logical flow," says Kelly Meldon.
Parents need to remember it's not the end of the world if their child doesn't get close to 600 points, she adds.
"I find that sometimes children focus on the points, but don't know what it is they're trying to achieve. Often, it's not even their dream. It's someone else's dream. It can be very difficult to keep motivated if the child doesn't know exactly what it is that they want."
Fear of failure in itself can defeat a child and negative pressure from parents can sometimes be the source.
"Parents, who ordinarily go to enormous lengths to promote the individuality of their child, come face to face with their own fear of failure at this time. Ordinarily, for example, every stone will be turned to find Jane's favourite CD for her birthday, and those trainers Kevin wanted for ages will magically appear among his Christmas gifts.
"Sadly, this precious philosophy can evaporate in a single moment. Instead of supporting her, Jane is now destructively compared to a sibling or a friend. Crushing comparisons should be avoided at all costs. Relationships between friends and siblings can suffer and the student might perceive that they are not loved and cherished for who they are, but for the high-achiever they ought to be.
"Instead of it being a time of recrimination, unanticipated results can be a blessing in disguise. With appropriate help, a child can be put on track to happiness and success in life in a way that might never have been thought possible."