It is most unfortunate that the idea of discipline is so commonly associated with punishment. In fact, discipline is an incredibly powerful tool. It is an opportunity, an empowering way of living, and a skill like no other to create for us a life of true happiness.
There is a difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is often played out as the enforcement of someone else's will upon you. Being made to feel bad about yourself also seems an inherent aspect of the concept. Discipline, on the other hand, is solely about boundaries. It is an exercise in resisting what is destructive and doesn't make sense to our humanity.
Discipline is essential to parenting. Children need us to set out boundaries for them - not so they feel rejected, controlled or disempowered, but to give them an opportunity to face their struggles with us loving them by their side, allowing them to develop strength against them. In this way, discipline is a mechanism - a vital tool - enabling us to rectify injustices and create a fulfilling life. It provides resistance, forces our struggles to the surface, giving us a chance to become more aware of and feel our pain drain away completely, and come through free of them. We do this with love and support. It is the greatest gift we can give any human being. In its absence, our lives are more limited.
Discipline is deeply empowering. In order to be disciplined, we must realise that there is a possibility for us to access a power from within ourselves that is even greater than the most difficult struggle we may face. That is, our life needn't be controlled by food, alcohol, television, video games or a recurrent fear of being disliked.
Rather, our intelligence and self-belief might be stronger and more important. We can be in charge. Our lives can be limitless. This is possible by enacting discipline.
In order to understand the areas of our lives that deserve our discipline, we need to understand where we struggle. For example, if we are shy and isolated, then it is a discipline to get out of the house, connect with people, share ourselves and have fun.
Similarly, if we struggle to believe in our own worth, and so continuously need re-assurances from others, it becomes a discipline to take time and nurture a loving relationship with one's self. Thus, discipline is effective exactly where it is hard.
There is a significant difference between our feelings and reality. It is amazing how our feelings can manipulate our perspective and co-opt us into believing they are true. Once this happens, it takes a strong will to decide to believe in something different. This is where the practice of discipline becomes a very useful tool.
Discipline - rooted in our belief system, values and creative passions - opens up the possibility of having an extraordinary life. And so, we must discover not only what our beliefs, values and passions are, but also what it means to express them in our lives.
It is important to have balance in this. To value our body and so spend all our time working on it to the detriment of nurturing an intimate relationship, will not bring peace of mind. It will bring a life out of focus, isolation and a level of unhappiness. Indeed, to be a good partner, to love someone, also requires decision-making and discipline. We must know fully who we are and what it takes to build that reality.
I'll give you another example. Most people value good health, but what are all the parameters that create it?
Most of us acknowledge that proper nutrition and physical exercise play a part. But positive mental attitude, social support and the fulfilment of one's potential are also essential to mental and emotional health. We become healthy when we are committed to bringing all these aspects into our life.
Being part of a life that enacts what is important to us allows us to mentally relax. An alignment of the self occurs. This is where true power is born. Time, space and joy can flow in. We can become truly happy.
It becomes useful at some point for each of us to take some time to set up guidelines in our lives that allow us to be disciplined. We can do this by noticing what is meaningless, in excess, distracting, numbing or causing a destructive stress. We may find these are things that we also love and value, but are just out of balance.
Often cutting back on something that is in excess, in favour of encouraging something else that has been neglected, opens up new possibilities that couldn't have been predicted or imagined before. One example is television. Most people who stop watching TV find their minds becoming active in new ways and their worlds opening up. They gain access to more thoughts, time and energy.
The fact is that pruning your life and taking control can create unexpected outcomes. Not only will you inevitably be someone who has more courage, but your struggles will get smaller. Having discipline can set you free.
ssinha@irish-times.ie
Shalini Sinha has established Forward Movement, a social justice healthcare clinic, where she practises life coaching and the Bowen Technique.