THE BIGGER PICTURE: There are some emotive issues, such as bullying, that are so complex it is almost impossible to find a solution. The word "bully" has connotations of someone big and powerful abusing their strength by picking on someone small and vulnerable.
It's not seen as politically correct to suggest that the "small and vulnerable" person has a role in the negative interaction. The truth is that some people perceive that they are being bullied, and it can be very difficult to challenge such a perception.
I once had a client who told me she hadn't recognised that she had been bullied for the previous five years. Then a new staff member made a formal complaint against her boss.
Up until that time, my client had found him rude and insensitive. He was gruff on the outside and didn't relate well, but he had a heart of gold. She liked her job and didn't find it too difficult to cope with him.
I was intrigued by the turnaround in her thinking. A strong-minded, deeply sensitive colleague had been able to change her perception. After six months in the company, the colleague had made a formal complain to the union. This woman had two other members of staff agree to back her up - my client and a much younger woman. The atmosphere changed totally with the pressure to take sides.
My client felt coerced into backing her colleague, but failed to recognise that this was a subtle form of bullying. I never met her colleague but I have come to recognise the role perception plays in how some people feel bullied by what others believe is merely assertive behaviour.
Anybody at any level in an organisation can manipulate situations to his/her own advantage. There is so much fear of the legal consequences of a bullying complaint that even the threat of one can strike fear into a whole department.
Victims of bullying have power that can be misused. Say you have 20 people working in an office. The manager has been there for 15 years without any problem. One person complains of being bullied.
That complaint has to be investigated. Regardless of the outcome, there will be an emotional cost that has an impact on the working lives of everyone there. There will be divided loyalties and resentments that sour the working atmosphere long after the issue is over.
It would be foolish and irresponsible of me to deny that bullying takes place. It is unacceptable when one person is disrespectful, critical or puts another down. But it is equally irresponsible to fail to acknowledge the difficulty many firms face when a member of staff is not performing.
Behind every complaint of bullying there are communication problems between people who see things from very different perspectives.
It's not my intention to minimise the pain or suffering of anyone who has been bullied. Rather, I want to spell out clearly that so much of what is perceived as bullying is rooted in a "soft skills" deficit that can be rectified in a surprisingly short time.
The reason why bullying is experienced by some people and not by others in the same organisation is that different people respond to the same situation in different ways.
One person hears a simple request to get a report in by a certain time. Another experiences the same request as an unreasonable demand and complains of feeling intimidated.
One of the current business buzzwords is the aforementioned "soft skills", which is shorthand for emotional education. Business firms are finally recognising that emotions have an influence on their bottom line.
Psychologist Dr Martyn Newman says: "There is money in emotions. What makes you mad, sad or glad are the same things that make your customers or colleagues mad, sad or glad. The ability to recognise and respond thoughtfully and creatively to your emotional experience is one of the most critical factors determining success in business."
Companies have only recently begun to recognise the benefits to be gained by assessing the emotional intelligence of managers and providing training where there is a skills deficit.
Say an assertive, independent, articulate manager with good problem-solving skills lacks self-awareness and empathy. If he is not in touch with his own emotions, he will find it impossible to be aware of or understand how others feel.
A manager who lacks empathy lacks the skills to get the best out of his staff. His effectiveness in getting things done will be impaired. If he comes across as insensitive and demanding, his staff may become increasingly frustrated, resentful and even vindictive.
The perception of victimhood is a response that can sometimes be more influenced by the beliefs of the victim than the intention of the bully.
• Carmel Wynne is a life skills and business coach, a master practitioner in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and psychotherapist. www.carmelwynne.org