The Bigger Picture:There is a very strong message in this society that you are deemed successful only when you are earning tremendous amounts of money and are ranked top of your field. In this, we learn to believe that paid work - and in that, the aim to be rich and famous - is meant to define us, writes Shalini Sinha.
There is more going on in our lives than our jobs (or at least there should be), and it seems to me there are just as many valid reasons not to try to be filthy rich and king of the hill at work as there are to achieve well in your profession. The rest of our lives must take their place on the stage and receive their due attention, planning and focus.
In my mind, there are only two reasons to prioritise "world domination" with your career (she says, slightly tongue in cheek): One, if your paid work is the only place in your life where you are challenged intellectually, physically or otherwise; and two, if your vision of what you really want to build in your life is focused through your career.
If there's more going on for you, then there might not be a need to work harder, exert more energy and earn greater amounts of money in your job, and neglect the other aspects that make your life meaningful.
This may sound like a ridiculous statement, as if I'm suggesting people be lazy, complacent and bored in their work. On the contrary, I am suggesting that people be dynamic, creative and prolific in their lives, and that your work may not be the most correct focus for this.
The big question is why are you working so hard? Does your work define you or are there other dimensions that deserve to be nurtured in your life? The way I see it, not only is it unreasonable, but it's also a recipe for dissatisfaction, to insist that our work be the main outlet for or measure of our growth, contribution and abilities.
The truth is, most of us only feel valuable when in paid work. Other dimensions of our lives rarely make us feel valuable. There's a reason for this: our society is focused on and driven by capitalism and the free market. This system counts only the producers of capital and beneficiaries of profit as worth anything (the latter being much more valuable than the former).
The message is very clear: when you are working, you are useful, responsible and contributing; when you are not, you are useless, irresponsible and a burden. As a result, you also feel invisible.
I am not advocating that people stop earning money, only that we have perspective. Indeed, it is essential that adults take charge of their own survival - and the direction of their lives - and so access the resources they need to be independent (whether it be in partnership with another or individually themselves). It is impossible to be empowered otherwise. Without careful planning as to how you will earn what you need to build your life, you lose access to options.
However, it is also not necessary for everyone to follow the same formula. Furthermore, it is impossible to be fully empowered if you're focused on hoarding resources - that is, if your aim (regardless of how unintentional) is greed.
To hoard anything, we have to convince ourselves that we deserve more than others, which means we are somehow better. Fundamentally, this causes a disconnection between us and others, which limits our support systems and leaves us with an inaccurate view of people and the world. You will notice that people with more money become more isolated and more fearful that they or their "stuff" might be attacked.
The fundamental purpose a paid job serves is to earn us money. We need money to survive. There's no denying that fact or shirking that responsibility. Once this is satisfied, your job can be directed to fit into the bigger picture of your life.
What is important is that you are challenged, fulfilled, connected and expressed in your life. Your work is only part of this. There is no need to feel you have to prove yourself - your intelligence, your capabilities and certainly not your worth - with your job. These things don't need to be proven. You can take them as fact.
What you should have is a life of challenge, growth, expression and strong relationships.
These can be built into many different aspects of your life, including your family and social relationships, hobbies and activities, physical fitness and lifestyle, or ongoing learning pursuits, and may or may not be your job.
Once you have a clear picture of what really matters to you, you can plan to bring these elements into your life: through your work, yes, and also through your family and social relationships, hobbies and activities, physical fitness and lifestyle, ongoing studies or any other area of expression. This is what will determine whether you have success.
Thank you to all the HealthSupplement readers who e-mailed their encouragement and support for me as I got through another round of Celebrity Jigs n' Reels!
Shalini Sinha is engaged in life coaching and the Bowen technique.