In a tiny pub in a small Scottish town, the barman fills a couple of punters in on the latest neighbourhood gossip.
Deirdre from down the road has been offered £250 to rent her upstairs bedroom for a few hours. The ironmonger is sold out of stepladders and is rapidly running out of flasks.
"And you know Stevo?"
"Aye".
"He's only got himself a daily spot on Radio 1, he rang them up and told them he could see everything from outside his front door."
Since Madonna and her celebrity-packed entourage arrived people have talked of little else in Dornoch, population 2,500.
It's not as though the locals are not used to stars. Michael Douglas, Bill Gates and Sean Connery are just a few who come here for the golf and stay in the sumptuous Skibo Castle, four miles away. The 500strong media presence, though, the satellite vans, the mini-studios have these laid-back Scots scratching their heads.
On Wednesday, a hundred or so stepladders were chained to barriers in front of 13th-century Dornoch Cathedral, where the christening of Rocco, Madonna and film-maker Guy Ritchie's four-month-old baby, was due to take place the next day.
Hotels and guest houses have been booked up for weeks, but motivated by providing an authentic Highland welcome as opposed to exploiting the situation, rates have remained the same. Almost unanimously, the denizens of this Trumpton-like town, all sandstone cottages and narrow lanes, express delight at being in the spotlight.
Sometimes the glare proved unexpectedly lucrative. Earlier in the afternoon, Annette was standing outside her gift shop behind the cathedral when pop star Sting arrived for a rehearsal of Ave Maria which he was expected to sing at the christening.
She caught his arrival on video camera and received a nice pre-Christmas boost by selling it to British and US TV networks.
"People say I could have got more than I did," she says, "but I didn't want to be greedy."
As dawn breaks on Thursday, the excitement begins to build. Flowers arrive in boxes from Skibo Castle and the Rev Susan Brown, who will conduct the christening and wedding services, is under siege. Nick named Holy Spice, Dornoch's own Vicar of Dibley character has been known to rollerblade down the aisle.
"To be honest I will be relieved when it's all over," she tells The Irish Times.
The town is the rumour capital of Scotland. Journalists interview each other, exchanging Madonna titbits. Someone says Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are fog-bound in Inverness, another that the baby's christening robe cost £30,000 and Madonna will wear a £50,000 wedding bracelet.
Or the best one - the star, anxious that guests will not sneak in cameras, has ordered that kilts be searched by her security team, which is now calling itself the Sporran Legion.
Madonna is expected at 6.30 p.m. and a small but determined crowd begins to gather at the barriers. It's freezing, we complain, but are told by locals that this is mild. Spirits are kept up by Spud the Piper who has become something of a celebrity after performing at Inverness airport when Madonna touched down on Tuesday. But it begins to grate after a while. Like A Virgin, you discover, was not meant for the bagpipes.
When the stars do arrive, the atmosphere is like a film premiere, the foggy conditions outside the cathedral illuminated by a ray of floodlight. Oh my goodness there's Gwyneth; Sting; - Sting, over here! - and then finally MADONNA! Oooh, she's so tiny.
Twenty minutes later, Madonna, Guy and a blanket-covered Rocco emerge and the megastar pauses graciously for the battalion of flashbulbs, winding down her window like a modern-day Evita and beaming proudly at fans.
The barriers go down as quickly as they went up. The Northern Constabularly's media relations officer, Elayne Grimes, explains that their job is done now, the wedding at Skibo is a private affair and Madonna has her own security.
Yesterday, the day of the wedding, aware that even its annual budget couldn't cover the publicity coming its way, the local tourist office arranges a mock wedding at 11 a.m. Wedding cake and a dram of whisky is of fered. It can afford it.
Since it launched its website, (www.highland-wedding.com) it has received phenomenal interest from brides wishing to emulate Madonna or McDonna, in local parlance. "This is wonderful for Dornoch but we don't want it to eclipse Christmas," says the Rev Brown.
On Monday, though, the Queen of Pop's visit to the royal burgh of Dornoch will surely be the main topic of conversation around the Christmas table in this sleepy Scottish town.