There are two ways of looking at Valentine's Night 2000. If you're the sort of person who bemoans a half-empty glass, then you may well view a Monday evening in the dead of winter as the worst time in the entire year to try to stage a love tryst. Post-weekend recovery barely in process, weather too cold for fun al fresco, restaurants closed. But consider the glass-half-full scenario. The word in the wine trade is that a lot of good champagne is sitting around unclaimed, the Millennium Eve bubble having burst. What could be nicer than a cosy evening a deux by the fire with a gorgeous bottle?
Champagne is the most romantic drink in the world - that's my deeply held belief, and not even George Clooney on the doorstep, brandishing a bunch of fashionably deep-hued roses, will persuade me otherwise. Suave sparkling wine comes a pretty close second. No question about it, fizz conjures up a sense of occasion as fast as you can say Casanova. And those tiny, insistent bubbles speed the progress of alcohol into the bloodstream, leading to a giddy but relatively mild intoxication. People who are normally tongue-tied turn chatty, then giggly. Inhibitions dissolve. It's a Valentine's must.
A very quick brush-up on bubble basics. If you want champagne and aren't sure which to choose, buy either a big name that's recognised for consistently high quality, or one of a handful of less lofty labels beneath which you'll still find a decent drink. My favourites in the first division include Bollinger, Pol-Roger, Veuve Cliquot, Roederer, Billecart-Salmon, Alfred Gratien, Charles Heidsieck - besides Krug and Dom Perignon, of course, if you're really coming on strong. Less expensive but reliable are Berry Bros own label, Brown Thomas own label, Dunnes Stores own label, Tesco own label and Pierre Gimonnet from Oddbins.
Sparkling wines fall into two groups. The cheapies (if you can call £10-£13 cheap) won't stand up to much critical analysis, but well chilled they can be fun. Then there are the swisher efforts, the New World's champagne wannabes - usually at £14-£20. Generally a little softer and riper than champagne, sparklers like Pelorus, Green Point, Deutz Marlborough Cuvee can be dangerously drinkable. Should you think in terms of pink? That's a vexed question. Rose, whether champagne, sparkling or still, is still a long way from drowning its naff image here - unfair though that may be. While the supermarkets go overboard with pink hearts and pink bottles, it seems most discriminating buyers steer well away from them to spare all risk of blushes. A shame, as really good rose champagne can be exquisite. Tempted? Think about stunning Louis Roederer Brut Rose 1994 (Searsons of Monkstown, £48.85), or Pol Roger Brut 1990 (see below). You've saved on dinner, dammit!
There will be food to consider, though - inspired, no doubt, by John McKenna's ideas for tempting love bites (See opposite page). If you and the beloved have a favourite wine to match it, away you go. If not, let me whisper just one word. Burgundy. I've yet to encounter anybody with an aversion to good white Burgundy (except in print: that Kingsley Amis quote in our Fizz Quiz - "they so closely resemble a blend of cold chalk soup and alum cordial, with an additive or two to bring it to the colour of children's pee" - damned the white aristocrats). Besides, the leaner styles go well with oysters - worth remembering if you feel like testing those aphrodisiac theories.
As for red Burgundy, if there is a silkier, sexier, more sensuous wine I'd like to hear about it - fast. As a gentleman of the wine trade known for his buttoned-up reserve said not so long ago, good Burgundy gets to the parts that other wines can't reach. We'd all better have some, huh? If you baulk at the price, or feel the need for a wine that will deliver a love note, there's always Burgundy's fruity young sister Beaujolais waiting to help out with St Amour.
Do people really feel like drinking wine with all those chocolates that get handed out? Just in case, let's glance at the bottles with the best chance of rounding your little love feast off on a sweet note - without making you feel ill. Banyuls, the sweet red wine of Roussillon, is a great mate with chocolate - much better, to my mind, than any members of the Muscat clan. The other sweet-tempered partner, especially delicious with really bitter chocolate, is Tawny Port - see below.
Have fun experimenting . . . hmmm! With the wine and food, you libidinous lot! If things go well, there may be another round to play soon. Leap Year Night, February 29th, is just over a fortnight away.
Bubbly
Deutz Marlborough Cuvee NV (Oddbins, £13.99). Stocks of this popular autumn Bottle of the Week ran out, but now there's a fresh consignment. Fresh is the word - it's fine-tuned and a little leaner than many New World sparklers. A Champagne-New Zealand collaboration, that's why.
Champagne Pol Roger Brut Rose 1990 (selected Superquinns, Mortons Ranelagh, Cheers-Playwright Blackrock, Enniskerry Food Co, MeGills Buncrana and other offlicences, about £33). Overcome colour prejudice! Pink looks ravishingly pretty - and when it's as refined and mature as this, it also tastes divine with game or chocolate.
White
Saint-Veran, Domaine des Deux Roches, 1998 (Oddbins, £9.99). You wouldn't want to be predictable and buy Chablis, would you - especially when, at this price, so much of it is as bitter as aspirin? This is a sunnier Burgundy from further south - mouthfilling, stylish and friendly to all sorts of light foods.
Red
Saint-Amour Les Bonnets, J-B Patissier, 1998 (Dunnes Stores special Valentine's offer, reduced from £7.99 to £5.99). Love letter on a bottle, pleasurable too - and it costs about the same as the dreaded chocs. See Bottle of the Week.
Chateau de Chamirey Mercurey 1996 (Vintry Rathgar, Berrys Harry St, Cuisine et Vendanges Naas and some other outlets, £17.95-£18.95; also many restaurants). Ah, fragrant, subtle, compelling - and, as with so many other good things, you'll want more the next day, when it may well be even better. In case you've managed to book a table somewhere, remember this one is in more restaurants than shops.
Sweet
Ramos-Pinto Ten-Year-Old Tawny Port, Quinta da Ervamoira (Searsons Monkstown, On the Grapevine Dalkey, Cheers-Gibneys Malahide, Wine Centre Kilkenny, O'Donovans Cork and some other outlets, usually about £19.95). The ports from this re-energised old house had the pickiest of Dublin tasters pouring out compliments one recent Monday morning. Choose this lightfooted, candied and lightly toasted beauty for your bitterest chocolate.