We love a good whinge, we are very charming and begrudgery is our most famous trait. That's how Lonely Planettravel writers sum up the Irish in a new guide published on the eve of St Patrick's Day.
Irish Language and Culture gives a brief summary of the Irish lifestyle, sport and art of conversation. "One of the first things you have to learn about the Irish is that they're never happy unless they're never happy, meaning essentially that they enjoy a good whinge," the guide explains.
Self-deprecation is a much loved art form and the guide claims that the Irish "wallow in modesty as a sport". This hides their low self-esteem, according to the writers.
The guide cautions that Irish people can be aloof when they first meet someone and it recommends standing at arm's length during conversation. It advises against kissing Irish people on the cheek. "Physical gestures like hugs and kisses for the ladies and manly pats on the back for the men can be worked up to, but don't rush in," it says.
"Just because Ireland's in roughly the same neck of the woods as Italy, France and Spain, where men might kiss one another on the cheek and hug, don't think you can get away with that sort of craic in Ireland - it's an island, and a fairly repressive and uptight one at that!"
Unsurprisingly, the Irish relationship with alcohol gets a mention, with 13 different terms listed to describe getting drunk.
It explains pub etiquette and says that nothing will hasten your fall from grace quicker than missing a round when it's your turn. "You might not be told when it's your round and others may appear only too happy to stand in for you. But make no mistake, your failure to put your hand in your pocket will be noticed," it says.
The guide describes Gaelic football as "clearly the greatest game on earth" but says Irish television is "a puny and underperforming featherweight". It describes Pat Kenny as "a fairly wooden character" and Gerry Ryan as "an institution both loved and loathed". But Marian Finucane and Ryan Tubridy don't get a look in.
The guide also contains a dictionary of slang, although some of it may sound a bit obscure even to Irish people. The slang for underarms is "bradleys", as in Brad Pitts, rhyming slang for armpits.
Julia Roberts will be disappointed to see that it advises tourists to avoid practising the Irish accent used by her in the movie Michael Collins.
What's the storeeey... Irish slang explained
Storeeey:What's up?
Knowwharimean:Know what I mean, used by the
speaker at the end of a statement for reassurance that the listener
understands them.
Beef on the heel like a Mullingar heifer:A big
woman.
Cute hoor:Commonly used by politicians to describe
each other. Usually refers to a rural male whose underhand
activities have drawn grudging admiration.
Mugging:Kissing, as in "I was mugging the head off
him".
Like a pig knitting:Useless at something.
Going around like a constipated greyhound:Having a
depressed state of mind.
Source: Irish Language and Culture byLonely Planet
