Dail Sketch: Bertie Ahern doesn't do Thursdays in the Dáil, but if he did he probably would have said the same as Michael Smith yesterday.
The great survivor from Tipperary North and Minister for Defence was taking the order of business in the absence of the Taoiseach and Tánaiste.
Responding to opposition criticism of the 11-week summer recess, Mr Smith said the Government was not going on holidays at the moment, nor were the deputies.
"I will not be surprised to read in the newspapers tomorrow that deputies are on their holidays," he declared, with a hand gesture towards the press gallery.
"The journalists are not to be blamed. The people who are to blame are those who belittle the committees that will be sitting throughout this month and September."
The Green Party's Ciarán Cuffe snapped, "The committees are just window-dressing." The attention of deputies was diverted for a time when a Swedish folk group entered the public gallery. "Yeah, the band to serenade us, as the Titanic sinks," said a morbid Fianna Fáil backbencher later.
Earlier, the Fine Gael deputy leader, Richard Bruton, in an end-of-term report, was scathing about ministerial performances. All had failed, he believed, despite facing a stiff ministerial examination in the autumn reshuffle.
For instance, none of the three Bills promised by the Minister for Justice, Michael McDowell, had been presented to the Dáil, although one was published earlier in the day, said Mr Bruton. The Bill promised by the Minister for Health, Micheál Martin, was not produced, he added, and none of the two Bills promised by the Minister for Agriculture, Joe Walsh, had surfaced.
On he went. The Ministers for Arts, Sport and Tourism and Social and Family Affairs, John O'Donoghue and Mary Coughlan respectively, had not produced promised Bills. "I accept that some ministers are fortunate in that they did not promise to produce any Bills and cannot be accused of failing to deliver," said Mr Bruton. "These individuals buried their talents well."
Finian McGrath (Independent) remarked: "A bad summer report." Defending the performance of the ministerial class, the acting head boy, Mr Smith, said that 90 Bills had been enacted since the Government was returned to office.
Labour's Pat Rabbitte wished Mr Smith well in the reshuffle. "I hope he will be untroubled by any telephone calls during the summer," he added. Mr Smith smiled.
Later, at the close of business, the apparently untroubled ministers and deeply troubled backbenchers dispersed to their constituencies. Backbenchers hope to return after the 11 weeks, having passed their ministerial examinations and acquired a Merc or "half-car". It will be a long summer of waiting for all concerned.
