Will teachers bend to Hanafin's bark? . . . The cause of Biffo's depression . . . Chipper attitude in east Belfast . . . Why the Senators' spam was blocked . . . Mansergh's mischievous streak . . . Why Dick Roche uses recycled posters . . .
Sorry to have to bring this up, but forewarned is forearmed. Teachers Conferences. Coming soon. Man the lifeboats!
Mary Hanafin had better not arrive with one arm as long as the other. With election 2007 just around the corner, she would be advised to bring along a few golden apples to keep the teachers sweet.
These audiences will not be as easy to silence as her Government colleagues. We hear the congenial Ms Hanafin, a much-respected teacher in her day, is more than able to control any unruly Ministers who might have ideas about disrupting class.
Opposition politicians from the west have first-hand knowledge of this ability to instil discipline in the ranks. They still chuckle about a meeting in the Department of Education a number of months ago when a large contingent arrived from Kinvara to discuss the ongoing controversy over the proposed closure of Seamount Girls Secondary School.
The delegation was swelled by the august presence of Minister Éamon Ó Cuív and junior Ministers Frank Fahey, Noel Treacy and Tony Killeen. Before getting down to business, Ms Hanafin raised a finger and shot a basilisk stare at the quartet.
Mary barked she did not want to hear a word coming from any of the public representatives. Only parents were to speak. Was that clear? And the brave Ministers sat like mice for the rest of the meeting.
Not quite with index fingers pressed tightly to their lips, but almost.
Brian Cowen looked very down in the mouth when the Taoiseach was indulging in his big money giveaway last Saturday night. "Careful Cowen" would not be the sort of man to play fast and loose with his nation's finances. As Bertie dished out the sweeties, the Minister for Finance looked distinctly sour.
However, it seems that during his wind-up speech before the leader's address, Biffo boobed. In the course of name-checking Ministers and highlighting their great works, he completely forgot to mention Minister for Community, Rural and Gaeltacht Affairs, Eamon Ó Cuív. Imagine that.
Nobody knows whether it was the dawning realisation of his omission or fear of retribution that had Brian looking so depressed.
Great news from up North during the week. Who would have thought it?
Certainly not the proprietors of a new chipper on the Albertville Road in the heart of Loyalist east Belfast.
"For Cod and Ulster" opened at the beginning of the month. The shutters on the shop feature a colourful cartoon of Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams, with Stormont Hill in the background.
Big Ian is holding a sausage on a fork, while Gerry has a burger in his fist. "Probably the best chippy in N. Ireland," says Ian. "At least we agree on something!" says Gerry.
Local wags are wondering if the chip shop was opened under the terms of the Good Fry-Day Agreement.
The mood music in the run up to last Monday's historic meeting between Dr Paisley and Mr Adams was optimistic. While jaded pundits approached the prospect of agreement between the DUP and Sinn Féin with understandable scepticism, indications of real change were apparent in Stormont.
During negotiations last Saturday, the DUP's Nigel Dodds began feeling a little unwell and decided to go call it a day.
However, before he left, Nigel made his way across to the Sinn Féin offices. He knocked politely and stuck his head around the door. Nigel explained to Gerry and company that he was off home. However, lest they might think he was walking out, he was keen to assure them that he was only leaving because he was feeling ill. That would never have happened in the old days.
The shenanigans by rebellious Fianna Fáil senators last Wednesday drew attention to the frequently overlooked Seanad.
Fine Gael Senator Fergal Browne was exercised about a matter that has been frustrating politicians in Leinster House recently. It appears the anti-spam software installed in the computer system is doing its job too well. Today FM's Ray D'Arcy recently e-mailed deputies and senators to ascertain their views on the subject of VAT on condoms. Senator Browne explain all the messages were blocked because they contained the word "condom".
Similarly, on a more serious note, communications during the recent Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Bill controversy were similarly blocked, leading to irate calls from people berating their public representatives for ignoring their views.
Weeding out the spam - unsolicited e-mails - is a difficult job for the Oireachtas system boffins, but they are working on the case.
"They had to do something," one Deputy told us, "the amount of e-mails we were getting about Viagra was pure odious."
That bookish Martin Mansergh is a dark horse. Senator Mansergh, Fianna Fáil's pet professor, has a mischievous streak.
During a debate on the Finance Bill on Wednesday, he expressed his amusement at the inclusion of the offence of impersonating a Revenue Official.
"When I was very young I played an April Fool's joke - this was at the time of the wealth tax - and sent the minister a letter purporting to come from a Revenue official, which mentioned getting all his property ready for inspection in successive slices," giggled Martin.
You wouldn't think Prof Mansergh had it in him. The unnamed minister, he recalled, was not amused.
Podcasting Senator Joe O'Toole has a fascinating take on the week's developments in Northern Ireland. He calls it a modern moral tale of our time.
It begins more than 50 years ago in rural Co Down, when a fiery young Presbyterian minister was embarrassing the Elders of Lissara Presbytery with his incendiary speeches. They asked him to tone it down.
He refused to conform, so his permission to preach in their church was revoked.
Never one to give in, our young cleric set about finding a new pulpit.
Against the odds, he found a home when a loyal supporter from the local farming community gave him a site.
Thus was born, on St Patrick's Day 1951, Ian Paisley's Free Presbyterian Church. The farmer became the Rev Ian's most ardent follower. The farmer's family and the preacher's family became firm friends, united by a common repugnance for republicanism.
Fast forward to 2007. The impossible happens, and Big Ian agrees to share power with his sworn enemies - Sinn Féin/IRA.
Not only that, but he does it with the full support of his party. All but one long-time admirer - Jim Allister MEP, who resigned in protest.
Jim is the son of farmer Allister, the same man who gave Paisley that plot of land in 1951 and set young Ian off on his religious and political career.
Good to see Minister for the Environment Dick Roche following the example set by his leader and doing his recycling duty. (Bertie swore blind to Ursula Halligan last week, rather unconvincingly, that he is a keen recycler. Said he brings his empties to the bottle bank all the time. Can't you just see him, unloading the Bass cans and red lemonade bottles from the back of the Merc?) Thrifty Dick, meanwhile, has been boasting that he recycled 740 diamond-shaped posters from the last election.
His wife Eleanor subsequently used them for her local election campaign, with a sticker over her husband's name. Dick is now going to use them a third time.
Recycling, though, is not the main objective. Dick can add the 2002 leftovers to his full complement of posters he's allowed under the election spending limits. Not a single tree will be saved. And not a ha'penny will be saved. Party workers in Wicklow will have to buy their own drink after the count so.
Sinn Féin's Mary Lou McDoughnut was at it again in Belfast last week. During a day of historic announcements, press conferences and photocalls, Mary Lou remained glued to her leader's shoulder whenever a camera was around, proving herself, once again, a peerless exponent of the art of political "doughnutting." MEP McDonald, who caused raised eyebrows during the 2004 European elections when her election literature listed her occupation as "peace negotiator," was so prominent in pictures from Stormont one could be forgiven for thinking she had taken over from chief negotiator, Martin McGuinness. Mary Lou rejected Green Party claims last month that she is constantly seen "doughnutting" Gerry Adams to the detriment of her European duties. "I am not a doughnut," she said memorably. She is, however, standing for election in Dublin North Central.