EAMON GILMORE, may God forgive him, put his finger on it yesterday, much to the mortification of the Greens, says Miriam Lord.
They were already feeling queasy at the prospect of thousands of teachers protesting outside Leinster House at teatime.
When the debate on the education cuts began last night, there wasn't a sign of them in the chamber.
It was a question of modesty, if nothing else.
The children have suffered enough already.
Almost as much as deputy Paul "GoGo" Gogarty, who has done so much huffing and puffing over the cuts, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. (Actually, that isn't true. If it's a choice between staying true to his principles or staying in Government, Paul "NoGo" Gogarty is sticking with Fianna Fáil.) But back to the naked Greens.
There isn't a fig leaf in existence that can cover their embarrassment, said the Labour leader, referring to the party's insistence that it hopes to persuade the Government to reverse some of the education cuts in the Budget.
How will they do this? By sending in NoGo Gogarty to negotiate with Minister for Education Batt O'Keeffe, says the Green leadership.
Eamon Gilmore thought the idea was hilarious.
Think of it: a party in Government, sending off one of its backbenchers to renegotiate measures already agreed to in Cabinet by that party's Ministers.
"When it comes to this exchange, my money's on Batt," snorted Eamon.
He asked the Taoiseach about the current state of play. Was NoGo Gogarty going to get a hearing? Would Batt play ball? Mercifully, there were no Greens around to hear Brian Cowen callously slamming the door on their, er, fig leaves.
"These decisions have to be implemented," stressed Biffo, hanging tough. Unlike the Greens, hanging out to dry.
A rare straight answer. Deputy Gilmore was delighted, because from no less a source than the Taoiseach, it was confirmed to him that the education cuts stand.
"It is clear there is going to be no change. That's at variance with what your partners in Government are trying to communicate out there. The so-called negotiation between Mr O'Keeffe and Deputy Gogarty is simply a waste of time."
His words were lost on the junior partners in Government, off somewhere trying to find some new clothes. No time, or stomach, for the Dáil chamber yesterday.
Save for one appearance by Eamon Ryan during Minister's Questions, the chamber resembled a new housing estate after Bertie's builder pals had departed.
Not a Green in sight.
Gilmore had them, and NoGo Gogarty's negotiations, rumbled. "It's simply a fig-leaf, a way of getting over the politically embarrassing hump of this evening and tomorrow and a means to buy time." But Biffo had Eamon rumbled. "I understand the tactics that Deputy Gilmore is trying to employ in an effort to sow divisions within the Government," said the Taoiseach, with a smile and a hint of admiration in his voice.
The teachers were due to start their protest at 6.30pm. But, unlike most parts of the city, the spot of road outside Leinster House is a valuable piece of property these days. In the afternoon, it was occupied by protesters from Longford, demonstrating against the closure of the local Army barracks.
Government deputies were scarce on the ground. In fact, they're afraid to go anywhere near the gates of Leinster House at the moment without sending scouts out on reconnaissance missions.
However, Fine Gael's James Bannon went out to meet his constituents, accompanied by Senator Nicky McFadden.
"I've asked for a meeting with Minister Willie O'Dea," James told the crowd. "He won't meet me but I'm going anyway." He sympathised with his fellow countymen and women. "Longford is left on the hind tit." Matters are, indeed, grave, down Longford way. Many of the placards carried this grim message: "Don't send our fathers to Athlone." Expect a demonstration outside the gates in the near future from the outraged people of Athlone.
The teachers began gathering outside Buswells Hotel as darkness fell. It was bitterly cold. Given the plummeting temperature, it didn't look like there would be a big crowd. But by 7pm, numbers were estimated at about 10,000. In the Dáil, as the debate on the education cuts got under way, Sinn Féin's Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin was telling the house that 20,000 teachers were protesting outside.
You don't spend a life in the company of schoolchildren without learning a few things. The protesters certainly made themselves heard.
Joe Higgins, former Socialist Party deputy for Dublin West, put in an appearance. He's been having the time of his life in the past few weeks. He made his way towards the platform as a song blared out over the PA. "Free the people", sang Luke Kelly, and Joe, a smile on his face, looked like he had died and gone to heaven.
The time of year and the Education Minister's name proved serendipitous for the teachers. There were plenty of Halloween bats on display, the most popular being the "Vampire Batt". Then there was "Battman Robin our Kid's Future" and "The Government's Gone Batty".
Back in the House, the debate on Labour's motion to reverse the education cuts was well under way. Labour's Michael D Higgins was incandescent over the decision to save €2 million on school books. "You are destroying creativity. Why don't you burn the books," he cried.
Fine Gael's education spokesman Brian Hayes put in a very strong performance. Like Opposition speakers before him, he pointed to the absence of Green deputies.
As for NoGo Gogarty: "He brought his troops to the top of the hill, he looked into the abyss and he ran away . . . This is the Greens' Stalingrad.
Meanwhile, when the teachers had melted away and the debate was over, Minister for the Environment and Green leader John Gormley arrived in an empty chamber, having found a fig leaf. He was there to talk about boundary changes in the Sandymount area of his constituency.
John and his colleagues are staying in Government, no matter what. They can already see the fruits of their continuing collaboration with Fianna Fáil - bicycles, light bulbs and yesterday, another breakthrough.
Free monkey nuts in the Dáil canteen.