Dáil Sketch/Miriam Lord:The attack dog population of Leinster House is dying out: defanged and silenced, they growl and maul no more.
Tánaiste and Passive Democrats leader Michael McDowell was one of the first to go all fluffy and yappy. In happier times he could be quite vicious. Now he's Bertie's Shitzu.
Brian Cowen, fearsome Nipper of the Fianna Fáil front bench, also seems to have lost his bite. Perhaps the thought of imminent party leadership has softened his bark.
Maybe the demands of ministerial office have brought him to heel. Then again, it might be that he just can't be bothered.
With Bertie and the Shitzu in Scotland for the Northern talks, Finance Minister Cowen found himself in charge during Leaders' Questions.
This was a good opportunity for him to try out the Taoiseach's chair for size.
Brimful of enthusiastic indifference, Biffo launched himself into the fray with unfettered lethargy yesterday morning.
Where once, he would have savaged the Opposition into submission, he bored them to sleep with passive aggression. The fact that the excitement of the last two weeks has finally died down didn't help.
Exhausted from their oratorical contortions in the chamber, Enda Kenny, Pat Rabbitte and Joe Higgins weren't exactly operating on full power either.
A measure of the Minister's engagement in the issues of the morning - the PPARS computer system and the privatisation of Aer Lingus - could be gauged by the sight of him texting on his mobile phone as Inda Kinny was trying to get the PPARS controversy rolling again.
The only bit of excitement came when An Ceann Comhairle extended "a most sincere welcome" to a visiting delegation of politicians from the Czech Republic.
"We'll settle for a draw!" shouted Independent deputy Finian McGrath, as cries of "Go easy on us!" were directed towards the Distinguished Visitors Gallery.
What a lucky break for the Czech guests - their presence in the Irish parliament was dovetailed nicely with last night's international soccer match.
"Have you any tickets?" asked Fine Gael's Michael Ring. Resigned laughter from all sides of the House indicated that, had the visitors produced a few tickets, he wouldn't have been killed in the stampede to get them.
Pat Rabbitte and Joe Higgins wanted to get stuck in over Aer Lingus, but the Minister for Finance didn't, as he testily mumbled his way through a series of boring replies.
Disappointed by the lack of response to his Biffo baiting, the Labour leader decided to amuse himself by indulging in one of his favourite pastimes: insulting Transport Minister, Martin Cullen.
How could the Government have been taken by surprise by Ryanair's attempt to take-over Aer Lingus? And why was Mr Cullen "floundering" and "flailing around the place?" (Actually, he wasn't. He was just sitting there, the very picture of injured innocence.)
"Of all the hapless Ministers in this hapless Government, Mr Cullen is the most accident prone," said Pat, as poor Martin rolled his eyes in a failed effort to win sympathy from his colleagues.
Deputy Rabbitte's efforts to get Mr Cowen to explain why the Government reduced its shareholding in Aer Lingus before privatisation came to nothing.
Biffo, displaying all the sparkle of an old sock, simply read at length from a prepared statement.
"That's embarrassing, you could have brought in the messenger to read that," scoffed Pat. Brian just shrugged and scowled, like he couldn't care less.
Joe Higgins thought the statement sounded like it was prepared by "stock exchange sharks in New York".
Mind you, in Joe's book, "the biggest shark with the biggest snout" is Ryanair boss, Michael O'Leary. That's when he isn't being "a cuckoo" in the Aer Lingus nest.
Biffo dismissed Joe with a few nonchalant snorts.
Then everyone went back to sleep. Come back soon, Bertie, we're sorry.
And bring the Shitzu with you.