The Taoiseach offered far more in response to the returned Socialist deputy than certain Government hecklers

“ONLY SIX short Hibernian nights and days since the formation of your Government,” said Joe Higgins, and already it is tragically obvious that there isn’t a tither of wit in the 31st Dáil.

No, sorry . . . Only the first part of that sentence is Joe’s. The second is wishful thinking. It sprang to mind when a Government heckler yelped “Go back to Dingle”. And when the entire chamber cracked up at the new Taoiseach’s slip of the tongue in referring to Micheál Martin as “an Aire Micheál”. We look forward to a leaked report from the inscrutable British embassy gent in the Visitors’ Gallery.

On the upside, he might have noted the pleasing solidarity – “my full support”, indeed – offered by ex-aire Micheál to our new Taoiseach in the matter of those chancers in Europe and their attempt to exploit us in our vulnerable state.

The ex-aire recognised this as a “classic try-on” by the Eurocrats who – as Enda recalled – were desperate for our assistance when their ruddy Lisbon treaty was stalled. So yes, lots for the British embassy man to think about there. The two old Civil War enemies united in adversity. Not such charming little EU puppets now, are we, eh?

This then, was the very first Leaders’ Questions of the New Deal in Irish politics. It began with a prayer to God for direction, read first in ropey Irish, then English, by Seán Barrett from an old framed copy, then moved into an undisputed showcase for Cool Hand Kenny.

The much anticipated turn from Higgins – brooding in the chamber well before everyone else arrived – didn’t disappoint. “Taoiseach, only six short Hibernian nights and days since the formation of your Government and it is already guilty of momentous betrayal,” he said, wondering what had happened in the few weeks since the Labour Party colleagues “were lining up the tanks to roll on Frankfurt”.

The Taoiseach’s cool, smooth willingness to sting and dispatch the Socialist Party deputy left his colleagues slack-jawed. They gazed with puppyish admiration as their boss came over all James Bond: “Well, you’re welcome back, Deputy Higgins,” he began.

He informed him that there was no difference between a day in Hibernia and a day anywhere else. He had even worked out that it was 144 hours since the Government took up office. "Maybe if you hadn't been sent away to Europe by the voters on the last occasion, you might have found out what happened. I'd like to know myself actually – and you may have a word with the former minister for finance when you leave the chamber perhaps to find out what didhappen."

He answered con brio and rather likeably when Joe asked him what he had learned in his outing with the big boys of Brussels. “I learned a lot actually. I learned how to stand up for the Irish people.” “Hear, hear,” bellowed the besotted choir. “I learned to articulate on behalf of our country that we will stand up for what we believe in . . . that we will stand up for what we signed up for. And I made it clear that when they came looking for our assistance in respect of Lisbon, that it was this country which voted to approve it.

“I learned also some of the ways that other countries participate in debates – and that’s always, I suppose, a learning experience.”

He didn’t get it entirely his own way. Ex-aire Micheál was driving a nice wedge into Government bondholder-burning policy when Enda was saved by Seán Barrett’s metaphorical bell. Gerry Adams announced he was sásta with procedures at least twice but was clearly a touch untutored – surprisingly, what with his more experienced colleague Caoimhghín two seats down.

Meanwhile, up in the Bash Street corner, Mick Wallace (in khaki shirt and combats) and Richard Boyd Barrett (grey shirt) communed. It was during the vote that the new order asserted itself in most startling fashion: Gerry Adams on his knees, chatting to the cool, genial, Taoiseach. No doubt the latter’s thoughts were already on the evening’s flight, to Washington DC, a long, long way from Leaders’ Questions, lame hecklers and Joe Higgins. That’s all folks. Back next Tuesday.