IN 1925, scientists discovered that cows had a dormant facility for language. With the help of a specially trained team of speech therapists, the animals re discovered their linguistic ability and over the next few decades they became more and more integrated into society. Frequently discriminated against, they had to work twice as hard as humans just to be accepted. As the decades passed, they demanded a basic charter of civil rights... If you can't go with this, there's little chance you'll have any luck with Eddie Izzard's first sitcom, called Cows (strangely enough) which goes out over the New Year.
Five years in the making, it is one of the most expensive comedy programmes ever made by Channel 4. Izzard, who is by common consent the best stand up comic of his generation, goes into hypersurreal mode on this stranger than strange show which will tax even the most broad minded comedy viewer.
The effect of walking, talking cows is achieved by using a basic Planet Of The Apes type of prosthetic which sees the actors donning cow like head pieces (it's the sort of thing you have to see to understand). Produced by the same people who brought you Spitting Image, French And Saunders and Harry Enfield, it seems destined for cult status.
Meet the family: there's Thor, the father (played by James Fleet from The Vicar Of Dilbey). A bit cow pecked, he spends most of his time watching French films and eating chips. Boo, the mother (played by Pam Ferris of Darling Buds Of May) rules her family with an iron hoof. She wears the trousers (literally) and is also in charge of the family's convertible car. Rex, the eldest son, knows where to buy the best grass (by the way, they don't eat it, they smoke it just like humans) and is also able to pull human girlfriends. Shirley, the daughter, is a bit of a vache fatale. When not singing and dancing (and thinking she's Rita Hayworth), she's terribly sad, confused and lonely (and thinking she's Bette Davis). Toby, the youngest son, is only two (in c9w years) but already he's reading Great Expectations and discussing sex in the plural. He's also worried - his horns haven't dropped yet.
In the one hour special which launches the series, the Johnsons have a dilemma - they need to raise the money for Rex's forthcoming wedding to his human girlfriend. There's also sub plots about inheriting a stately home and a brief foray into politics for Thor but this isn't the sort of programme that lends itself easily to description, of any sort. Izzard's script is madder than mad.
"I've been trying to get this off the ground for years," he says. "It all started when my stand up took off and people wanted to put me on television, which I didn't want to do. I did tell them though that I would be interested in doing a sitcom, but when they found out that I wouldn't be in it and it was going to be about a family of talking cows, they were a bit ... surprised.
"It's based around the all important premise that cows have the facility for language and at the beginning of the programme we show all these newspaper covers from down through the years which detail the cows' struggle to be accepted into human society. In the real time of the show, the cows have been more or less integrated into society but still face a great deal of prejudice".
Sort of allegorical, like Alien Nation was?
"Yeh, you could draw analogies with other groups within society but it is basically a comedy," he says. Whatever about cows being accepted in society, does he think the show will be accepted by television society?
"It shouldn't be that hard to accept. If you look at The Simpsons, which is a big success, people now accept characters with blue hair or jagged heads or whatever. There's more leeway out there than you would expect."
Why did it take so long to make?
"I had the ideas but didn't know how to write it in a structured way. And besides, my motto, with everything I do, is be fast or be good." It's worth repeating, Cows took five years to make.
