US:IN THE weeks since the California supreme court's historic ruling to allow same-sex marriage, gay men and lesbians have hugged, kissed, popped bottles of bubbly and danced in the streets.
Some have also looked at themselves in the mirror and asked: "I do?" Beneath the widespread community euphoria at having the right to marry lies some individual ambivalence about actually doing so.
Yes, a rush of weddings began on Monday, the day the court ruling came into effect. But there will also be questions, though not always voiced aloud.
Is this the right person? Is this the right time? Is marriage right for me? "Up until now, we've never had to think about those questions," said Rev Neil G Thomas, senior pastor at the Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles, founded to minister to the gay community.
Gay couples have long held commitment ceremonies, registered as domestic partners or just grown old together in lifelong, committed relationships.
But marriage? "In a sense, it changes nothing," said Jeffrey Chernin, a family therapist who works with gay and straight couples. "But in another sense, it changes everything."
Some couples welcome the change. Ron Elecciri, who works in television development, and his partner of 11 years, lawyer Andy Birnbaum, have been waiting for this ruling since the high court nullified their 2004 San Francisco marriage and those of 4,000 other same-sex couples.
The court at the time said the city lacked the authority to violate the 2000 state referendum proposition banning gay marriage, and then its May 15th ruling found that ban unconstitutional.
"Both Andy and I did not hesitate to say we're going to be married again," said Mr Elecciri (43).
"The only decision we're not together on is whether we want a big wedding reception or not."
Mr Birnbaum (38) wants a small one. Mr Elecciri wants to see their families and all of their friends from throughout their lives in the same room - something they didn't do when they married in San Francisco.
Other couples face bigger questions. Marcy Israel, a Californian wedding photographer, would like to marry her partner of 13 years now that she finally can. But her partner is not as enthusiastic.
"She questions the whole idea of marriage for anyone," Ms Israel said. Her partner "feels no need of outward reinforcement for what she feels". Ms Israel, on the other hand, is "more romantic and also more political. I feel that the more gay couples in committed relationships take this step, the harder it will be to say: 'Sorry, you hundred-thousand people, but you're no longer married'."
One west Hollywood professional said that for gay couples the decision to marry carried pressure to act quickly, since marriage will no longer be an option if a California constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage passes in a November referendum.
"I think this whole marriage thing is causing more anxiety and fights among gay couples than anything has before," he said.
And then there's the issue of the prenuptial agreement.
Some gay couples already sign such agreements when they register as domestic partners, said Steven Stolar, a family lawyer in Beverly Hills.
"All of a sudden, half of their earnings will be their partners' earnings," Mr Stolar said. "And if they want to leave each other, it's not as easy as just packing a bag and moving out."
But few expect such differences to be aired publicly, at least until after the November election.
"With this anti-gay initiative on the ballot, you're seeing the community coming together like never before," said Torie Osborn, an adviser to Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and former director of the LA Gay and Lesbian Centre and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
If the experience of gay-marriage pioneers in the Netherlands and Massachusetts is any guide, those who marry in California will be for the most part long-time couples in their 40s and 50s.
But that is also the group with the most ambivalence about marriage.
Surveys have found that, the younger they are, the more enthusiastic gay men and lesbians tend to be about marriage. But it's often later in life that people take the leap. - (LA Times-Washington Post service)