Last week's failed climate change summit in The Hague wasn't all about cutting greenhouse gas emissions by using trees and even shrubs as "sinks" to soak them up. The quiet-spoken Swedish environment minister, Kjell Larsson - who takes over the EU environment presidency from his fiery French counterpart, and John Prescott's bete noire, ete ??? Dominique Voynet, on January 1st - made his way around on a little scooter with a basket containing a small plant labelled "Australian sink". His scooting along corridors and in and out of meetings, while officials trotted along with the sheaves of papers, raised many an approving smile but our man at The Hague, Noel Dempsey, wasn't tempted to follow suit.
An eye was also being kept on events in Florida, with near-unanimous agreement that Al Gore would be a marginally better bet for the environment - he once wrote a book called Earth in the Balance - than George W. Bush and his links with oil and coal interests. As the saga dragged on, an anonymous declaration was circulated to the effect that, in view of the failure by Americans to elect a new president, England's Queen Elizabeth had decided to revoke their independence and take control of all US states, except Utah, which didn't appeal to her. Once a British Crown Dependency again, the use of American English was to be banned, July 4th would no longer be a holiday and Hollywood would be required, occasionally, to cast English actors as the good guys. American football too was to be replaced with proper football, the edict added.