PresentTense: There's a man in British Telecom whose job is to predict the future - using technology, of course, not tarot. Every so often, his office produces a snappy timeline of what's to come, so that you can plan your diary around the first landing on Mars (2020), "digital X-Ray glasses" (2008) and the invention of time travel (2031).
If time travel still manages to catch you by surprise, at least you'll be able to nip back a few days and prepare yourself for it.
The timeline is an entertaining guide, but misses some of the things we're really hanging on for. When, for instance, will humanity invent a bacon packet that can be opened without the need for a garden shears? Or CD wrapping that slides off without a fight? It'll be the small things that will see the human race reach a new level. What's the point in landing on Mars if the astronauts can't open their carton of powdered milk without losing a finger?
Which is why it's exciting to hear that the scientists at Stanford University are attempting to build a robot that can do something few humans have managed: build a flatpack bookcase. Not for them the traditional aims of robotics, such as car assembly, metallic pets and world domination. Instead, they are attempting the monumental task of putting together a piece of furniture without having an important- looking screw left over at the end. A team of 30 computer scientists has been employed for the task. It may take some time.
This robot will also be designed to tidy up after a party, take out the rubbish and load the dishwasher.
These are breakthroughs that could herald a new dawn in robotics. By 2010 a robot may be able to put a double duvet back inside its cover; by 2015 will be able to remove chewing gum from a child's hair; and by 2030 - although this sounds a tad optimistic - one will be designed to open a packet of bacon.
Robots were always imagined as a way of eliminating the more menial of humanity's tasks, but this new generation of robots, learning to complete complex daily tasks means taking things to welcome levels of triviality. Even better, they are beginning to build robots that seem primarily concerned with rescuing humans from socially awkward moments. For instance, there is the recently-designed Wine-Bot, a device which can tell the difference between 30 varieties of grape using only a five millilitre sample of wine. For those of us who can just about correctly guess the colour of the wine we're tasting - and even then only 50 per cent of the time - it will be a life-saver. Next time the waiter offers you a taste from the bottle, Wine-Bot can wheel forward and ensure you avoid the usual "maybe it's corked, maybe it's supposed to taste like that" confusion.
It's a follow on from the same company's Health/Food Advice Robot. (Note to marketing: that's a dull name for a robot. How about Munch-Bot? Or Chompotron?) It makes comments about the food you eat and can tell you when you're eating too much fat. (On second thoughts, they should call it the Mother-In- Law-Bot).
WE ARE ON the verge of an explosion in robotic technology. In Korea, they're putting robots in creches and pensioners' homes to help with the chores. And there's a company called iRobot, which remains about the only place on Earth that you can buy a vacuum cleaner and bomb disposal device in the same visit.
But perhaps the most technologically advanced display of sloth yet has come from Hiroshi Ishiguro, a Japanese professor who has built a robot called Geminoid that goes to work for him. His while-not- exactly-evil-then-pretty-creepy twin moves its chest as if breathing, taps its toes, and moves its mouth when it speaks. Ishiguro connects himself to it remotely through his computer, and can deliver his lectures without leaving his home. He had previously designed a female android, giving it the fetching name of Repliee Q1Expo. One day, he says, robots will fool us into thinking they're human. Big deal. Michael McDowell pulled off that trick years ago.
Anyway, the British Telecom man says that robots will eventually squeeze men out of the workplace, because women will still be needed for the jobs requiring "softer skills" while men will work largely in "jobs that require intellect". I'm no futurologist myself, but I predict that the BT man's all-too-human mouth is going to get him into trouble one of these days.
Anyway, it opens up the possibility of all of us sending our robots to work, where they can make pre- programmed quips in meetings and do the other things most of us do at work - spend hours on PaddyPower.com, gripe about management, that kind of thing. And one day soon maybe this column will be written by Journo-Bot. Which is something we can all look forward to.
