Miriam Lord with Michael McDowell:Hats off to the PDs, who have made magnificent strides in their efforts to embrace the Green agenda.
The true extent of their commitment to the cause was revealed by a delighted Fiona O'Malley TD at the launch of the party's environmental policy yesterday.
"We've the best wind in Europe!" trilled O'Malley, as the generator of most of it stood proudly beside her, minutes away from releasing another strong and prolonged blast of hot air.
To publicise the event, the PDs had come up with another of their little wheezes. Party leader Michael McDowell would launch their Little Green Book on the environment by boarding a bio-fuel truck parked outside Merrion Square. (In the space normally used by the number 13 bus. Driver not amused.)
This involved Fiona climbing into the cab of an articulated lorry while Michael perched on the small step below the door, clinging onto the side mirror with one hand and waving the Little Green Book at his environment spokeswoman with the other.
Fiona, meanwhile, waved the four leaflets and two staples that they were calling a book out the window.
Given that there are many pressing demands on the media's time during a general election campaign, there was an usually large turnout for an event which had as its main selling point the promise that Michael McDowell was going to sit into a lorry - and he didn't even do that in the end.
They had an ulterior motive for being there. But out of courtesy, the PDs setpiece went ahead.
Clearly, barrister Michael is a frustrated fireman. The day before, he had been posing for photographs wearing a hard hat, happy as a sandboy. Now, here he was, playing with a real live trucker's truck.
A woman on a bicycle pedalled around the corner and saw the daft scene. She cycled closer, stopped and called sharply: "Mr McDowell!"
The Tánaiste turned on his heels, looking startled. His advisers moved closer. The journalists licked their nibs.
"I think you're doing a great job!" You could see the relief on the Minister's face. "I think you're a great man!" And off she went. Michael puffed out his chest and nearly exploded with pleasure.
Then the journalists gathered around and he began his pitch with all the gravitas he could muster: "We are standing here in front of an environmentally friendly truck." Fiona O'Malley spoke of the challenge posed to the world by climate change and said we must concentrate on generating clean energy from renewable sources. Wind power, for example.
Cue the Minister. Having extolled the benefits of bio-fuel and reminded everyone that Mary Harney banished smog from Dublin, questions were invited. There was one on the Green Party. Another about his State car. Friday voting. Prisoners with mobile phones in their cells, talking away, just like Michael was.
Fiona wasn't lying when she said we have the best wind in Europe.
The press briefing appeared to be running out of steam. There was a pause. Then the inevitable question on the Celia Larkin stg£30,000 payment controversy.
Michael McDowell cranked up the wind levels and blustered: "I am not a mini-tribunal."
He said that phrase three times in the course of four minutes.
He wants to leave the Mahon tribunal's inquires into whether Bertie got money from property developer, Owen O'Callaghan, to the Mahon tribunal. And any other questions that might further erode his increasingly dubious credentials as self-appointed Government watchdog.
But the Larkin payment has nothing whatsoever to do with the O'Callaghan issue. Even if it did, the Taoiseach commented on the record about it last Monday, introducing a troubling stamp duty dimension to the unusual payment. This was "entirely appropriate", he stressed.
Michael McDowell said on Tuesday that Bertie fully briefed him last year on the matter and he was satisfied.
For the second day in a row, he was asked about the house issue.
"The Taoiseach has said the money that Celia Larkin received was 'entirely appropriate' - do you agree with that?" The best wind in Europe picked up pace.
Hot air coming through. Brace yourself.
"I'm not commenting on all of those issues, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm not turning myself into a mini-tribunal. I'm not going down that road. I'm very comfortable to say that, that the issues are issues for the tribunal to work out.
"I do not believe that they have any implication for where Ireland will be in three years time or the nature or the direction of Government and the Progressive Democrats are entirely focused on Ireland's interests, and Ireland's interests are all to do with the policies that are implemented over the next few years and the philosophy that is applied in government and whether we continue to have foreign direct investment into Ireland, and as far as ethical issues are concerned, we've made our position very clear time and time again, and we set and expect high standards from others and as far as we're concerned, we've done it without being morally superior in any way.
"We've done a very good job as a political party in keeping our bibs clean."
Then he returned to the truck and posed for a photo holding what looked like a large plastic container of slops. Rapeseed oil, apparently.
Finally, the truck departed noisily, leaving a cloud of environmentally friendly fumes in its wake.
"It stinks" noted a departing observer.
"The rapeseed oil?" "No. Bertie's whole house thing." Michael McDowell is a barrister.