When Patricia Hannon goes out to do her last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve she is thinking of an aspect of the festive season far removed from cosy images of happy families exchanging presents and pulling crackers.
A counsellor helping women at the Family Life Centre in Boyle, Co Roscommon, her work colours her perception of what may be happening behind closed doors in some homes all over the country.
"When I see men coming out of the pub on Christmas evening, I get this feeling in my tummy, and think that those men are going home to somebody, and wonder how they are going to behave. Christmas is supposed to be a joyful occasion, but for a lot of people, it is something to be dreaded," she says.
The refuge attached to the centre, which can cater for two families, is rarely empty, and Patricia says that in eight out of 10 cases alcohol is a factor.
Patricia herself was in a marriage that was far from happy for 15 years. Thirteen years ago she took her six children, then aged between four and 14, and left the family home. The last three years of her marriage were particularly unhappy, yet neighbours thought they were "the perfect couple".
It's difficult to reconcile that image with the woman she is today. In her mid-40s, she talks about her life with ease, confidence and even humour. She has undergone years of therapy and has also completed a professional counselling course in Trinity College, Dublin.
Women tell her that they get hope from hearing how she rebuilt her own life after the end of her marriage. She can understand the guilt and the shame some of the women she talks to feel because she experienced it herself.
"The isolation isn't just feeling alone in the community. The isolation is within as well."
The three years after her own marriage ended and before she sought professional help were "torture", as she tried to make a new life for herself and her children. "To be separated in Ireland 13 years ago was bloody difficult, because you were different, very different, and I had a huge sense of failure."
Through her work she has seen just how bad some marriages can be. When a person is in a relationship that is abusive, there is, she says, a huge sense of shame.
Women, she adds, are often told that they are to blame, and with their self-esteem low, can believe it even when it's not justified.
She says there is now a recognition that abusiveness in a relationship can amount to a crime.
"But I think that we, as a culture, have to take that into ourselves, that it is a crime. And the law is only as good as the people who enforce it, and there is still the old thing about it being `a family affair'.
"While it mightn't come across from a person's mouth, it can be implied."
She feels figures in authority can sometimes exacerbate things. One woman she counselled was told by a garda: "Well, he mustn't have been all that bad if you had six children with him."
As well as working at the centre in Boyle where two full-time counsellors have their diaries full for the next five weeks, she also does "outreach" work, travelling often to isolated rural areas around Roscommon, Sligo and Mayo. For women in these areas the problems can be magnified.
She gives an example of a woman who lives in a remote area, who has five children and cannot drive. Her husband was given a six-month suspended sentence for breaking a barring order three times and assaulting her. "That woman is now living in fear because it's coming up to Christmas. He's been out of the area, but all his family are living around her. She said to me the other day and she meant it `I am in fear of my life.' "
Barring orders can be of very little use "if you live on the side of a mountain" and it could take gardai more than an hour to arrive. Many women, she stresses, still don't have easy access to a phone.
She heard about the Family Life Centre at a meeting for separated people. At that time more than 10 years ago, the centre was being set up by a priest, who had studied family ministry in the US.
It is a diocesan centre, but is open to people of all and no denominations, and deals with family life "in all its diversity". This includes everything from bereavement to bullying, to marital breakdown and all forms of abuse. It is grant-aided but also relies heavily on voluntary workers.
A lot of men use the centre, and Patricia has no problem in counselling perpetrators of abuse. While she believes they too are "wounded", she stresses that there is never any excuse for violent or abusive behaviour.
She tries to help women regain confidence and self-belief, and says that it has to be remembered that there is an emotional element to marital breakdown.
"When people leave their marriage, there's grieving to be done, because there is the loss of the marriage and the loss of the dream."
Women facing huge "emotional, financial and practical problems" should not have to rely on voluntary organisations such as the Family Life Centre, but that is still largely the case. She also believes the health service should review its approach.
"Many of the women I meet have been given tablets for depression. Counselling should be as available as tablets are on the medical card - you have to look to see what is the cause of the depression if you are going to deal with it." The Family Life Centre can be contacted on (079) 63000. There is also a confidential helpline on 1800 638888.