The Last Straw: I think the point is worth making: compared with 30 years ago, the modern car is lighter, quieter and has fewer poisonous emissions; all areas in which the bullock, even the 2002 range, falls down badly.
I was at the National Forum on Europe during the week when a member of the audience launched the fiercest attack on the whole European project since Attila the Hun. Inspired by the RTÉ series, Reeling in the Years, which this week reached 1973 and Irish accession to the EEC, he claimed the country had lost nearly everything in the intervening decades, including religion, identity and the run of itself.
Younger viewers of the TV programme may have concluded that the country gained a few things too, such as dress sense, and increased access to hairdressing. But nothing could convince this man that the European Union was a good thing, and his clinching argument was the drastically reduced purchasing power of livestock. In 1973, he said, three bullocks could raise the price of a Ford Escort. Now it took 30 bullocks to buy the modern equivalent, a Mondeo.
One of the guest speakers, Fine Gael's Enda Kenny, responded that, in fairness, the Mondeo had a lot of safety features the Escort didn't. He declined to develop this theme, perhaps realising it was an implied criticism of bullocks (which still have no safety features to speak of). But I think the point is worth making. Compared with 30 years ago, the modern car is lighter, quieter and has fewer poisonous emissions; all areas in which the bullock, even the 2002 range, falls down badly.
In fairness also, it should be said that in 1973, as far as I remember, cattle were available only in black and white. Nowadays they come in a wider range of colours, including beige. Otherwise, however, the bullock has stood still for 30 years while car manufacturers and the rest of the world has moved on. It's harsh, but it's true.
The forum was intended as a chance for the public at large to have their say on Europe's future. In practice, the public has chosen to remain at large, and would attend such events only at gunpoint. The audiences seem instead to be dominated by party activists, who spontaneously read out statements for or against Nice and then, to show they still have an open mind on the subject, put queries to the guest speakers, along the lines of: "Wouldn't you agree that you and the likes of you are the dregs of the earth?"
Nevertheless, it's clear that the current public mood is one of anger against the Government, and that this could influence the result of the referendum. Cynicism about politics is running high, particularly since the publication of the interim report of the Flood tribunal, which reminded us that as recently as 1989 the price of a top-of the- range politician was £35,000.
That's a whopping 65 bullocks at current rates! The man at the forum may have been overstating the loss of national identity, but it's also clear that there is a more general disillusionment with the state of things. After the boom years, people are reflecting that they're not as happy as they should be. The traffic is worse; shop assistants are ruder; and despite the proliferation of fancy cafes everywhere, there's still nowhere to put your used tea-bag.
With the forces of mammon beset by infrastructural problems, it's no coincidence that organised religion is launching a comeback in the form of a promotional campaign. And it was a big relief to see the stand-off between the promoters and RTÉ - over whether the TV ads could engage in "persuasion" - finally resolved this week. I was beginning to fear the issue would be referred to the Referendum Commission, which would broadcast neutral advertisements about religion, with a calm female voiceover outlining the pros and cons: "A vote in favour of Christianity means a prohibition on stealing, worship of false gods, and coveting your neighbour's wife. A vote against means you can continue to engage in theft, false worship, and adultery, without fear of eternal damnation. A booklet containing fuller details on the Ten Commandments, as amended, will be issued to every household in the State over the coming days."
Meanwhile, on a not unrelated subject, Young Fine Gael upped the temperature of the referendum campaign this week with its new "The Joy of Nice" posters. In case you haven't seen them yet, these feature a scantily-dressed young couple engaging in an act of, well, let's just say they both appear to be firmly in the Yes camp.
The poster has been criticised in some quarters. But I think it shows that the debate on Europe has moved on from the days when politicians could appeal simply to our sense of idealism, by mentioning how much we'd get in the next round of EU funding.
Now, the pro-European parties need to have subtler messages. So far as I can interpret it, the Young Fine Gael message is: "Never mind the bullocks."
fmcnally@irish-times.ie