Dail Sketch:The Taoiseach endured his last Leaders' Questions of the current session yesterday. It's been a tough few months for Bertie. He'll be glad to see the back of the place for a while.
Following a morning of rowdy exchanges in the chamber, even we felt sorry for poor Bertie, and began to hope that Santa will bring him something nice on the big day.
There's no need to be rude. We were thinking more of a nice pair of slippers, or the ability to give a straight answer, or maybe a little kitten from a rescue centre. He likes cats.
Perhaps a loved one will give him a fridge magnet which says "I'm the Taoiseach." Or he might get a gift of business cards - not to give out to people he meets, because everybody knows Bertie. No, the Taoiseach could keep the cards in his pocket and introduce himself to himself on a regular basis.
Because Bertie forgets who he is sometimes, particularly in the Dáil, when deputies demand to know how he intends to deal with major problems encountered by ordinary people. Instead, he joins the ranks of the innocent bystanders, shaking his head and agreeing it's a shocking state of affairs altogether and somebody will have to take action. Why? What does it say on the fridge? Read the business card, Bertie.
In parliament, this hands-off, semi-detached approach has become one of the Taoiseach's most infuriating traits. It has Opposition leaders driven to distraction and has led to an upsurge in unruly and unhelpful behaviour by their backbenchers
But yesterday's performance was uncharacteristically frank and open. There wasn't so much reliance on script, and there was a reduction in the non-committal shoulder shrugging that so often punctuates his weary replies.
Bertie was very forthright with information when dealing with Enda Kenny's questions on gangland crime. Shock at the shooting dead of an innocent plumber's apprentice was shared on all sides of the House.
The Taoiseach tried to be similarly co-operative when Pat Rabbitte decided to attack the proposed scheme for nursing home charges. Bertie battled to give answers, but was constantly shouted down.
Deputy Rabbitte raised what appear to be contradictions in the Government's proposed legislative approach. He was also scathing about home-care packages available to the elderly.
The Taoiseach tried to appeal to the Opposition's better nature. "I, I just want to explain," he pleaded, to no avail. "We're tryin' to design a new system for the future that will make sure that there are equal . . ." Again, shouted down. "Please. Pleeeze. Just listen a minute!" he implored. Deputies were in no mood for that. Bertie's face was a study in frustration. He attempted to outline the proposals again and again.
"Please . . . if we haven't got every little bit of it right, we've plenty of time to amend the legislation . . . We're going to do our best, our damndest to make it fair into the future. Now, is that not a good thing?"
His sincerity was lost in the heckles. Bertie sat down. He looked disgusted. Given the boorish reception the proactive Taoiseach got yesterday, maybe he's right to adopt that semi-detached approach in the Dáil. You had to feel sorry for him.
Forget the business cards. Let's hope he gets the kitten.