The Last Straw: When the Ulster Scots Agency - or the Boord o Ulstèr-Scotch - came to Dublin on a charm offensive last year, I was one of a number of journalists who met them for lunch.
It was a pleasant affair, with the visitors making no apology (nae apology, in fact) for their claim that Ulster Scots is a real language. But, during a lull in the conversation, I found myself asking what effect the accent on the 'e' in "Ulstèr-Scotch" had. And I was surprised when a lady member of the agency replied that it had no effect at all: "We just thought it would look good". In retrospect, I believe she had a point: it does look good. Indeed, other linguistic bodies could take a leaf out of her book and pay more attention to their languages' appearance, instead of letting them out in public any old way. I suspect it's no coincidence that the accent in Ulstèr-Scotch is leaning the opposite direction to the Irish fada. But better a war of words than war of any other kind, I say. The country is full of road signs with little crossed swords marking the sites and dates of famous military battles. I look forward to the appearance of signs with little crossed accents marking the "Battle for EU Cultural Funds, 2007", and so on.
Whether Ulster Scots is a language or a mere dialect, Lord Laird - the agency's former head - has also attracted scepticism for his claim that 150,000 people speak it. So I was happy to inform him at the lunch that many of its words remain in regular use in my native South Ulster: "oxter" (meaning armpit), "forninst" (near, beside), and "gurrie" (piglet), to mention just three. It was still not unusual there, I added, to hear "door" pronounced as "doer"; or "buck" used as an adjective meaning "big".
Occasionally, we might even run to a whole sentence in something like Ulster Scots, e.g. "Come in outta that and don't be standin there forninst the doer, with thon gurrie under yer oxter, like a buck-eejit". But this was rare now, I admitted.
Even so, we were very excited about the prospect of funding. Since that lunch, I've been posted copies of the movement's monthly newsletter, addressed to me as a "fellow Ulster-Scot". Thus I've been able to follow closely the development of the big-budget musical On Eagle's Wing - described as "a Protestant Riverdance" - that opened in Belfast's Odyssey arena last weekend. The scheduled opening in the US had to be cancelled because of money problems, so this was the world première of a production described by one source as a mixture of "Braveheart, Britney Spears, and The Matrix". And although the two nights at the Odyssey were not a sell-out (which is just as well, because sell-outs are regarded with suspicion in unionist culture), it seems to have been a success. I say "seems", because the free tickets I was expecting as a "fellow Ulster Scot" appear to have been delayed in the post.
I know that Irish dancers always lead with the right foot. And I'm guessing, therefore, that the cast of On Eagle's Wing led with the other one. But either way, the show is now bound for the States, where its rivalry with Riverdance looks like being the next stage of the culture wars. It remains to be seen if it can emulate the success of Riverdance, which has several troupes on tour at any time, named after different Irish rivers - including the Boyne! Presumably Ulster Scots will at least be spared the breakaway Michael Flatley version, entitled Lord of the Eagles and featuring men in leather kilts.
It's arguable that, culturally, Northern Protestants are in the same position as, politically, Northern Catholics were in 1969. Or, as Sinn Féin's Danny Morrison puts it, that "the Fenians have all the best tunes". So I hope nationalists will be generous in their response to the new show, and that maybe we will yet live to see On Eagle's Wing and Riverdance get together for a compromise rules series. In the meantime, I think any clash in their US tour schedules should be commemorated with signs for "Battle of Carnegie Hall", or wherever, accompanied by the symbol of two little crossed legs.
Sadly for the 150,000 of us who speak the language and demand immediate funding, there is no Ulster Scots dialogue in On Eagle's Wing. Nevertheless, I welcome the show's arrival as a cultural representative of the Northern Protestant tradition. And I would like to join with church leaders and moderate politicians in urging restraint on all sides during the dancing season ahead.
