Granada was probably not expecting anything quite like this. A city built on Arab invasions and Catholic conquests should by rights take a fluffy 24-hour version of those seismic medieval events in its stride. Yet as Operation Spice turned the city into a MTV backdrop complete with fireworks, no one in the city could ignore the presence of the Famous Five.
And their 500 mates. Like something from the decade that taste prefers to forget (when, according to those who were there and still possess the power of recall, all album launches were like this), the Spice Girls brought the world's media to Granada for the launch of their second album, Spiceworld. The pop equivalent of a sales conference for second-hand car salesmen, it was an opportunity for the media to meet the band and the band to meet the media, albeit under strictly controlled circumstances.
You have to wonder what Washington Irving would have made of it. The diplomat, historian and traveller penned Tales Of The Alhambra, the first text to let the rest of the world into the secret that was 19th-century Alhambra, one of most breathtaking areas of the city housing some of the finest examples of Islamic art and architecture. Certainly, he could never have envisaged that his tales of legends, traditions, romance and strolls through gorgeous palaces would one day attract pilgrims quite like this.
"Damn, they have a modesty curtain." We are in Carmen de los Chapiteles high above the city awaiting the arrival of the band for a press conference and our tabloid friend has just noticed that the Spice table has a curtain at the front. He wonders aloud if it is see-through. On ground level, there's a gaggle of fans looking at five donkeys who are standing around in the rain. If it's Spain, there must be donkeys, for that photo opportunity when les girls arrive.
Inside the villa, the international babble ebbs and flows. With 18 million copies of the debut album Spice sold worldwide in less than a year, this truly is a global event. Paul Conroy, managing director of Virgin Records in Britain, later describes the group as "a cultural phenomenon". True, but for the record company, this is also their banker, an album which can be promoted, massaged and marketed for 12 to 18 months to yield even more sales. No wonder there is little expense spared. It's Popmart but with less lemon and more fun.
The noisy arrival of the five Spices and their omnipresent suited and scrubbed security is the cue for the questions which have been fermenting to begin. You can forget any serious queries regarding style or substance today because this is a chance for Bart from Belgium or Heidi from Holland to ask a question of burning national importance. Thus an Italian asks about the Pope, a Belgian about what they think of their sales to date in Belgium, a Spanish Chris Evans tries a karaoke version of Wannabe and a French chap asks Gerri to marry him.
Geri and Mel B. flirt like the troopers they are, a tag team of supersonic giggling pop spindoctors. Victoria just preens, looking as if she'd prefer to be at Old Trafford, Mel C. makes the odd smart retort and Emma just beams and stays quiet. They're old hands at this game, acknowledging the tabloid superstars in the room like Andy Coulson (the Sun) and Matthew Wright (the Mirror), and Peter Loraine, the editor of Top Of The Pops magazine, while giving the rest of us the laughs and one-liners we require for colour pieces, cover stories and pop profiles.
This means everything from odd assertions that "the one thing you notice from all the travelling, all the cultures, is that we're pretty much all alike, we're not that different, we all need our positivity, hence why we've got Spice Up Your Life, a very appropriate record", to their advice on how to deal with spots ("sunglasses and blusher, darling, that's all you need").
Their forthcoming tour will be "very theatrical" with loads of "flying through the air" while Spiceworld: The Movie is "a scarily ironic Nineties film. After we watched it, we were quite shocked about how true to life it was. It was written over a year ago and it's just so real it's untrue. It's about us and London and the media and relationships and music. Is it horrible about the media? No, we need you just as much as you need us."
There's a great deal of talk about universal appeal and positivity but it doesn't prevent a few questions with a twist making an appearance, which require more than a tart remark from the interviewees. Like the lyrics to Saturday Night Divas from the new album ("you're a twisted lover/ kissing telling on a superstar"): "we've always written about our past experiences and that's just one of them and yeah, it's about ex-boyfriends who've sold their stories to the press. Some of them have made a lot of money out of us."
Or the fact that the release of the single had allegedly been delayed so as not to clash with Elton John's Candle In The Wind: "Obviously like everyone else, we want a charity single to do really well. We felt that it was more appropriate for our single to come out now. The whole world was in mourning so give them a chance to get over that and then move on when the time is right."
Mel B. also talks about people tiring of the Spice Girls. "This is a fickle world. One minute, Take That are the hottest thing, the next they're not. We're doing this to please ourselves but of course, we're aware that without people buying it, we're nothing. As long as there is a demand for the Spice Girls, we're going to carry on doing it. When there's not, we'll stop and do something else. We've loads of four-year-old fans so we've got another 10 years at least."
A few hours later and the Spices are in Eva Peron mode on the balcony of Carmen de los Martires, a super-swanky villa on the other side of town with lush gardens, beautifully ornate monuments and some very excitable guests. Introducing the playback of the forthcoming album, Mel B. promises that it will blow our minds. At the press conference, she had spoken of it having a "completely different sound and atmosphere to the first album. You've got a bit of Motown on there, a touch of R&B, some classic ballads, a really weird big band number with a big orchestral feel. All upbeat positive songs."
It's very poptastic. An extra-large mix and match of familiar melodies and wonderful grooves, it's wall-to-wall modern pop with a sassy knack for the perfect hook, the perfect chorus and the perfect beat. First time around, the punchy house throb of Do It makes the most impact. Second time around, it's Stop, the Motown show-stopper, and Lady Is A Vamp, Spice-go-Louis-Armstrong, which cause the most jaws to drop.
Descending from their perch to mingle with the carefully chosen common people, we discover that Emma is the Irish Spice, Geri is much shorter than we imagined and Mel B. should be renamed Nice Spice. The rest of the evening passes in a blur of decadence, Barry White impersonations from Mel C., lavish food and some inspired Spanish dancing. There is also a spectacular firework display which probably puts paid to all the Spiceworld takings from Belgium. It also ensures that absolutely everyone within a dozen miles of Granada knows that there's a new Spice Girls' album on the way.
Another day, another balcony. The following morning, it's the turn of the Lord Mayor of Granada to welcome the Spice bandwagon to his downtown abode. The fact that there's an election in a few weeks has, of course, nothing to do with his invitation. Nevertheless, the square outside the hall is thronged as he presents each of them with a pomegranate and they scat their way through choruses of Wannabe and Say You Will Be There. Yet another blast of Spice Up Your Life, five minutes of royal waves and they're gone. The mayor and his family smile and wave from a nearby balcony. Over his head, there's a thought-bubble. If only those school kids in the audience had a vote . . .
Tonight the circus reaches Istanbul for the first ever Spice live performance. You can expect the usual suspects to be there to hype the event into A Very Important Occasion. For the Famous Five, it's just another day in the life. You can only guess at what they really really make of it all.
As recently as 16 months ago, the world had yet to hear Wannabe. Now, they're everywhere, booming from every shop doorway, staring at you from crisp packets and soft-drink cans, preparing to become dumbed-down Marilyn Monroes for the cineplex generation. By 1999, there will be nowhere left on this planet to conquest. Expect the launch of their third album to take place on a spaceship orbiting Mars.
Spice Up Your Life, the single, is out on Monday, with Spiceworld the album released on November 3rd. Spiceworld: The Movie reaches Irish cinemas in December.