You could say that we're hurtling to Hell in a handcart. You could certainly say that in alcoholic terms, we are a country in crisis, writes Kathy Sheridan.
You could say that it must be a decadent little country indeed that must take its comforts from the notion that the number of 12- to 14-year-old boys who report having been "really drunk" is down from 28 per cent in 1998 to 19 per cent now. Or that the number of boys and girls who claim never to have had an alcoholic drink is up by nine points to 40 per cent. And that's if we can believe them . . .
Yet, if self-rating surveys count for anything at all, is this not a case for positively seeing the glass half-empty? A reason to rejoice, even tentatively? A hopeful omen that for one important cohort at least, a positive message is getting through? And even if hundreds of the little blighters are lying through their teeth, is it not a kind of progress that more of them know how they should be behaving?
The same could be said about smoking. Decades before the Great Splurge of the 1990s, it was recognised that 13 was the crucial age for trapping and holding tobacco addicts. Most wheezy adults will testify to that. Now, amid the good news that Irish smoking trends are pointing consistently downwards, we can look again to that key 12- to 14-year-old age group for the best news of all. Because that's where the drop has been most dramatic: by nearly a half for boys and by one-third for girls.
Then again, you could rage at the 16 per cent of reckless idiots who still refuse to wear seatbelts, even in the front seat. Or you could choose to marvel at the fact that we've halved the number of such idiots since 1998.
You could blink, appalled, at the suggestion that 10- to 17-year-olds find it easier to talk to their best friend about things that really bother them, than to parents or siblings. But were teenagers ever any different? And this gloomy inference ignores a far more cheering intimation of the survey; much-improved father/son relationships. Some 61 per cent of boys now find it "very easy" or "easy" to talk to their fathers, compared with 52 per cent in 1998. Sure, they still prefer their mothers by a 12-point margin and their best friends even more, but the signs are that boys and girls are talking more about things that matter to both parents and siblings and best friends. The trend is up.
By contrast, their experiences of headaches, irritability and bad temper are down. (Or so they say, anyway, and who's going to argue with them?) They are eating much less junk food, have cut their consumption of chips and burgers by half, and of sugary drinks by one-third (they say). More of them aspire to going to college or university than in 1998 and more are going on family holidays. Overall, an amazing nine out of 10 of them were feeling quite or very happy about life, slightly more than in 1998.
And for all the obsessing about stress, health, weight and money, the vast majority of Irish adults too report considerable happiness with their quality of life. An increasing number (84 per cent of men and 87 per cent of women) describe it as "good" or "very good". As in 1998, they put "less stress" at the top of the list of requirements for improving their health, but even that doesn't loom as large now as then.
Rates of anxiety/depression are down; nearly nine in 10 have no problem with walking around, fewer suffer from passive smoking, increasing numbers are having their blood pressure and cholesterol monitored regularly and fewer - odd, this one - are reporting non-accidental injuries.
In fact, four out of five rate themselves as pretty healthy. This is a pretty amazing finding, considering that our mortality rate is the highest in Europe, heart disease rates are double the European average and cancer rates are higher than average, according to Prof Cecily Kelleher, scientific director for the National Health and Lifestyles Surveys.
Yet, we seem able to rise above all that unpleasantness in how we view ourselves.
"In terms of self-rated health, we rate the highest in the EU, though it's not completely clear why," says Prof Kelleher. "It may be related to the quality of life. For example, our self-rated health figures contrast sharply with those of Northern Ireland, where they have comparatively low rates. On these islands, the Republic rates best and Northern Ireland worst."
Meanwhile, some aspects of the survey suggest that, in the feckless fatty stakes, we are lurching towards Armageddon
Certain negative trends, such as a penchant for fried foods but less fruit and vegetables, more car use allied to little exercise, have brought forth dire warnings of obesity on an American scale. In one US state, a quarter of the population is obese; in 20 others, the figure is 15 to 19 per cent, and in 29 others, it's between 20 and 24 per cent. At 13 per cent, we still have a way to go to catch up with bulging America.
"But we are recognising the beginning of a pattern which is worrying everyone," says Prof Kelleher. "We're still behind America, but what happened there developed very rapidly."
But she is by no means despairing. "Nothing about these figures is outlandish," she says. "Obesity trends, for example, are common to all affluent countries. We are behaving like much of the rest of western Europe and better - so far - than the US. Some of our lifestyles are in evolution, deteriorating with obesity, improving with smoking."
In fact, Gerard O'Neill, of research and forecasting company, Amarach Consulting, believes that Irish society has already moved on in the year since the survey of adults was undertaken. "I was not at all surprised by the adult figures, but I feel now that we're going in a markedly different direction," he says. "To try to extrapolate from those figures to say that we're going to get fatter and drunker would be wrong. People have caught themselves on."
The more hedonistic trends evident throughout the late 1990s have been overtaken by a new mood, he reckons. "During those years, Ireland could have been symbolised as a Lotto winner, drinking too much, eating too much, partying too hard," he says. "But there's now a dawning realisation that this will not continue. We see a new responsibility coming through with consumers, a reluctant responsibility, whereby they're assuming responsibility for things they'd rather not have to take on.
"They are having to look at PRSAs or pensions, for example, because now they're beginning to think: 'The State won't look after me.' And health insurance, because they realise they will have to take more responsibility for their own health and for healthcare. This is partly in response to the irresponsibility of the past five years and partly because of that realisation that we must now look after ourselves."
The demographics are on his side. Ireland's baby boomers, born in 1980, reached driving age in 1997, just in time for the Tiger years. As they mature towards their mid-20s, the wild party days are coming to an end. People feel more exposed as jobs come under threat. The mañana ethos sits less easily on an ageing, more fearful society. Whether that's enough to drive us to the beer or burger bar, or keep us away from them, only time will tell.