The US presidential election has spawned an array of pro and anti websites. Brian Boyd went surfing.
"Are you going to vote for John Kerry even though you find him unpleasant, annoying, arrogant, waffling, misguided, or just generally unappealing in some profound way? Then you've come to the right place".
The right place being the downright hilarious www.kerryhatersforkerry.com website. It's a place where people congregate to self-flagellate, all because the end (kicking Bush out) just about justifies the means (voting Kerry).
Unique in that it's both an anti-Kerry but ultimately pro-Kerry site, kerryhatersforkerry says: "We're not voting for the name-dropping, condescending goon out of any enthusiasm - don't try to make us love him! - it's just that we need to be strong. He is truly awful, but we have to vote for him".
An essential service on the site is the "Panic Room": "Worried that you'll blurt out to friends and acquaintances what you really think of Kerry, thereby costing him precious votes? Don't keep it bottled up inside! Come in to the Panic Room where nobody will see it. You'll feel better - without demoralising the base".
With the Bush and Kerry official websites being unbearably tedious, a new type of "Web Wars" has broken out in advance of the election. Parody, satire and the odd bit of malicious humour are the order of the day as Republicans and Democrats invade cyberspace for one last electoral push.
With political discourse on the web (especially US political discourse) being such a turn-off, these electoral sites have to be as imaginative as they are comedic in order to attract and sustain attention-deficit-disorder web surfers.
Republicans have put together a clever www.communistsforkerry.com site, which plays on hysterical fears of installing a "pinko liberal" in the White House. "Bush-haters of the World unite!" it screams before highlighting "Kerry's Sensitive War On Terror" and drawing attention to the fact that if Kerry wins it will the last free election in the US.
A Democrat-inspired site, www.billionairesforbush.com, notes that "On November 2, the unwashed masses will have an opportunity to defeat the man who has done more for billionaires than anyone else - George W. Bush. Forward this website to your filthy rich friends".
There's also a very user-friendly facility here, which allows you to create your own billionaire name. All you do is type in your first and last name, and the computer does the rest. For example, type in "Bertie Ahern" and you get his billionaire name - which is Richard Enyou. Suits you, sir.
The reply website is increasingly popular this election. There's even a www.swiftboatveteransforlies.com to counter the www.swiftboatveteransfortruth. com site.
Meanwhile, www.botoxkerry. com has strangely convincing before-and-after photos of Kerry that would lead you, quite possibly, to believe that the candidate has had some type of "makeover".
Over at www.osamasweepstakes.com, they'll tell you the exact day that the Republicans will produce Osama bin Laden as a final vote-winning stunt. The site tells us: "We all know it's coming . . . At some point in the next couple of months, Dubya and his cronies are going to miraculously 'find' Osama bin Laden and present him to the American public as if he hasn't been sitting around for the last year in Guantanamo under close CIA supervision . . . and next thing you know, it's another four years of this bunch of crooks.
"Our goal is to alert American voters to this cynical ploy, thereby making it as hard as possible for George to get away with stealing another election.
"So send this link to your friends, and get them to send it to their friends, and maybe for once we can pull the silver spoon out of George's mouth and insert it where it REALLY belongs!"
www.toostupidtobepresident. com is a none too subtly-named anti-Bush site, whereas www.bushislord.com will, very convincingly, demonstrate to you how and why George W. Bush is not only the nation's leader, but also its "spiritual lighthouse and embodied salvation". An excellent site, with the parody buried a bit deeper than the others.
Taking an altogether more serious approach is the US's small army of punk rockers who, by their web presence at least, are deeply divided about the candidates. At www.punkvoter.com, they're as anti-Bush as they come, but cross over to www.conservativepunk.com and you'll find a bunch of spiky-haired punk rockers who rejoice in all things Republican.
Goth music followers also make their presence felt, but these are Goths of the "mainstream right-wing" variety and they can be found at www.rightgoths.com.
"It's the easiest thing in the world to be a left-wing rebel," they write (though not in a scary black goth font). "They're not rebels against the system though, they're its court jesters and its propagandists." That's telling them.
Still no sign though of a www.bushhatersforbush.com site, which in the name of political balance, if not democracy, should really be made available for undecided voters.
Over on www.ebay.com, there's all sort of election-related tat available.
"Team Bush" is selling its own line of "farm and ranch wear" while "Team Kerry" are selling dog tags, a reference to the senator's Vietnam war record. There's a really horrible "Kerry/Edwards Shoe In For 2004" shoehorn available, although perhaps more distressing are the Bush/Cheney pillow covers.
Available for a mere $25 are watches which feature the candidates' faces, while at the top of the range you can find Bush Presidential Cuff Links for £165. But there'd be no need to panic-buy here - there are plenty left.
Bizarrely, the most expensively priced item available is a record by Kerry's prep school band, The Electras, on which he plays bass guitar.
Recorded more than 40 years ago, it's a snip for the tone-deaf Democrat-lover.