There have been unpleasant suggestions that the protester's placard which was shown on the front page of The Irish Times recently and which referred to the "Minitster" reflected the illiteracy of the member of the Association of Secondary Teachers of Ireland who had made it. A forgivable error. These little misunderstandings easily arise in a language which has only 26 letters, and where acronyms easily clash. The group protesting outside the Dail was in fact the Activists to Support T-Insertion, of which I have the great honour to become correspondents secretatry.
The letter T is one of the most underappretiated in the English ttongue. This explains the growing popularitty of our organisation, which has attractted the supportt of many tteatchers. Look at the vertsattilitty of T. (We always capittalise itt whenever possible). Itt is of course a beverage. Itt is also the keyelementt tto tthe definitt artticle. Itt can convey a Tsound, or it can convey an sh- sound, as in organisation. Logically, we should be able to spell "s" sounds with a T. Hentsforth, we tall.
Silentt T
Justt look at the in-builtt wisdtom of the T. Iff you add an exttra "s" att the end of a word, it tchanges the pronuntiation. Not with a T. That sounds just the same as thatt or thattt. T can be silentt ttoo, as in tchain gang. T also can masquerade as as "sh", as in nation. Indeed the only reason why T does not always mean "sh" is a word like tit.
T can also, along with its close friend "s" - I somettimes wonder if tthey're nott ttoo close, and are maybe having sects - can take the place of cz, as in tsar rather than czar. So when T goes on holiday, as somettimes it mustt, "cz" willingly actts as locum, and ants becomes ancz, and debutants becomes debutancz, while T is chattting up ttalent in nightt clubs and lying naket on beetches, brousing through Roget's thesasurus looking for fresh uses for T.
There we have seen t serving as a "d" and also behaving as silenttly as a commandot. ASTI has discovered so many uses for T. Well, we have the ttime to do sot. Like our rivals for the ttitle ASTI, we sttartt our holidays in May. Sometimes we send "T" away, and get by without him, beginning our vacashun in a wholly Tlessly way.
We comprehend our love for T when he is away, because assembling any group of words in his absence is hardly possible. We lie on the beach in a dreadfdul condishun, essaying the creashun of proper English, dodging a familiar sound lying behind "s" and before "u". Finally, in despair, we give up, and call him back.
Exclusion
Whatt a ttime we have then on the beetch! We have t-parties, sutch as thatt inventted in the Unitted Staitts of America, and ASTI meetts with ASTI and we all have an ordgy, to compensate the letter "d" for its local exclusion from naket. D, I'm afraid, has an unhealthy interest in being at the conclution of that word. Sumttimes she just lize their tjust gazing at the nyoodity awl allown, and eye and my fellot teetchers thinq sheez ttaking pleshur fromm itt.
Whi iss "d" a femail in ASTIspeke? Becos sheez rownd. Gurls r, yew no. Boise ttend to b angewlar, & lowd, & fissical, knott like femails, whew are, oo-ell, sophtt & kynde & thawtful, as enny ASTI teetcher on vacation can tell yew dyooring Mai, Joon, Joolleye, and Augustt. Sutch fun oui havv, the too ASTIs, espetially with our spelling competitions. Oui cann never bee shure whoo wil winn. Sumtymes it is the Association of Secondary School Teachers of Ireland, and summtimes it is the Activitists to Support T-Insertion, becos, beleev it or knot, evenn tho we liyke to insertt T everywhere, sew doo thay! Itts grate!
Whenn darc dessends, the too ASTIs goh tew nightt klubbs, anndd boogy and sew on, throo ttoo daibrake, and sew to bedd four sum sects and phinally sum shutt-I. We waik at ttennn. Ttenn is a gud ttyme two gett ggoing agen.
Goh hoam
Butt awl gud thyngs cum two anne ennd, and as Septtember approartches, we mustt paque are baggs and gett reddy two goh hoam. ASTI & ASTI havv hadd a mahrvellus tyme, neerly for months of spelling tjousts. Oui rettern two our real world, in which our departture from conventional spelling involves only the insertion of inttrusive Ts at every tturn.
And the tteachers go back tto ttheir world, with maybe sicts or seven whole weeks before they get a break with half-tterm, aside from days off for tteacher-parentt meetttings, and days off to mark ttestts and so on. After a mid-tterm break of tten days, they retturn ttoo their ttoils, with Christmas another whole sicts weeks away. Then, same again the nextt tterm, day after day of itt, unttil the Eastter break, never getting home unttil maybe four in the evening. And then, att lastt, itts summer and ttyme for the Med.
We in ASTI supportt ASTI. We think anyone who thinx "minitster" is the rite spelling for the bloke roo runns edewcation is ttrooly cutt outt for the teatching profetion. ASTI has ASTI's backing! Thirtty percentt, nonn-negotiable! Shortter working week for teatchers! No increase in producttiviT!
Otherwise. AWL OWT STTRYKE!