Peace, perfect peace. You're dozing off on the train, the quiet background noise of the engine is lulling you gently to sleep. You've been out of town for a meeting and it went well, but now you're tired and looking forward to a well-deserved nap. Or maybe you just want to be alone with your thoughts, musing quietly about life in all its varied manifestations, as the choo-choo takes you safely home, writes Deaglán de Bréadún
Suddenly the raucous sound of We are the Champions erupts in your ears at full blast. No, it's not Freddie Mercury and Queen striking up at the other end of the carriage - it's a fellow-passenger's mobile phone and its customised ringtone.
"Hello, I'm on the train," he begins in a loud voice. A pause. "Listen, willya tell Tommy to get that order for Birmingham away by Monday?" And so it goes on. Natter, natter, natter. It wouldn't be so bad having to listen, willy-nilly, to the fellow's conversation if it was at least interesting.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we went on the batter last night. Skulled about ten pints. Great craic. While I have you there, willya tell John Joe I'll have the forklift back to him tomorrow evening?"
Cunning business travellers on certain trains have been known to take a seat in second class to have a better chance of a snooze or, at least some peace and quiet. One doesn't want to sound snobbish, but fewer people there could afford to have mobiles or didn't work for companies that supplied them. Iarnród Éireann says it asks phone-users on the Dublin-Cork route to be considerate of other passengers.
I have attended funerals, speeches and ceremonies where the dignity and gravitas of the occasion was disrupted by the insistent ringing of somebody's "cell". But I cherish the memory of Kofi Annan, UN Secretary-General, giving a press conference during a visit he was making to the European Parliament at Strasbourg a few years ago. A photographer's phone began to clamour from one of his pockets. "Diddly-diddly-dee, diddly-diddly-dee," went the infernal machine, blithely unaware that one of the world's most important public figures was speaking to the press.
Annan comes from a long line of noble chieftains in his home country of Ghana and the man has so much dignity you could practically bottle it. He quietly clasped his hands and stared at the hapless snapper until the offending object was silenced. Then he resumed speaking.
It was an impressive display. I also saw Britain's Prince Charles, on a visit to the Glencree Centre for Peace and Reconciliation in Co Wicklow two years ago, pausing in mid-address as another photographer's phone rang out. He asked if somebody would answer it. As he resumed speaking, he remarked that you always wondered who was on the other end.
So it seems that if you have royal blood, whether African or British, you can handle these situations. But for us commoners, it's more a case of letting the blood boil. I understand you can get devices to disable mobile phones but that's a fairly extreme option.
The only consolation for regular travellers is that there is still one safe haven, a place where mobile phones have to be extinguished on orders from the captain. Admittedly you are several thousand feet above the ground, but at least you can be sure that, from take-off to landing, you are in a phone-free zone.
But for how much longer? Moves are afoot to enable air passengers to use their mobiles during flight without the risk of causing an accident. The idea is that passengers will be able to make and receive calls, or send text messages, just as if they were on the ground.
According to Kevin Done, writing in the Financial Times recently, "Airbus, the European aircraft maker, has formed a joint venture with two airline communications companies to develop services for mobile phones on aircraft." Apparently this will be possible from about Easter 2006, or just over a year-and-a-half from now: "Passengers would be able to use their own handsets from their seats and be billed via their existing service providers at international roaming rates." Commercial airlines, having just got rid of smoking on board, are somewhat concerned at the potential disturbance to other passengers from the use of mobile phones. British Airways told Kevin Done: "It is different using your mobile on the 8 a.m. from Heathrow to Brussels to using it on an eight-hour overnight flight from the US, when all passengers want to do is sleep."
But can you really have talking and non-talking flights? Beside, looking at the bleary-eyed lot who take early flights to Brussels, it is quite obvious that many of them would dearly love some kip. After all, they probably had to get up at 5.30 that morning to be sure the taxi would bring them to the airport in time for check-in. Others might simply want a quiet moment to read that briefing document on EU Periwinkle Directives before landing in the Belgian capital.
Aer Lingus told me: "We will not consider the use of mobile phones on our aircraft until a system has been developed which meets Irish Aviation Authority (IAA) and other regulatory authority approval." At time of writing there was no response from Ryanair.
So don't say you haven't been warned. Already some passengers are displaying withdrawal symptoms when they have to turn off their phones. You can tell by the way they hurriedly switch them on again as soon as the plane touches the ground. They can hardly wait for the day when they can tell their friends in a voice that carries across the next six or seven rows: "Hiiii!! I'm on the plane!"