Ard Mhacha Abu. I'll say it again for those of you who lack the Irish: Come on, Armagh. Yes, it's that wonderful flight of fantasy - Armagh in an All-Ireland semi-final for the second year in a row. Happy, happy days for all who follow the men in orange and, yes, even for blow-ins like me.
I think I can safely say that there is no happier blow-in than this Belfast blow-in. Why? Let me just confess, then: I missed this year's Ulster Final when Armagh beat Derry. It wasn't my fault. I had to go on holidays with my family. Obviously, I didn't book the holiday. It was my wife. Happily, the marital counselling is doing the trick and we're still together. It was a close-run thing. Were it not for the fact that I was able to see the game in Spain, we could have been in real trouble. Admittedly, I was reduced to sneaking peeks at the match in a Spanish bar while pushing a pram up and down the pavement. Still, Armagh won. Again.
Horrific events
Of course, that's the beauty (and horror) of being at games in the flesh: there's nowhere to run to. You have got to watch the events - no matter how horrific they might be - unfold before you. And the events of the first All-Ireland semi-final against Kerry were horrific. I was in the stands, watching the Armagh train go off the rails.
Thankfully, the Armagh boys are not in the ILDA and got back to work within about 10 minutes of giving their followers heart attacks and nervous breakdowns. Armagh live to fight another day - this Saturday to be precise and, if the good Lord grants me a ticket, I will take my seat once again among the faithful.
And faithful Armagh's followers are for - whisper it - they have never won an All-Ireland. Indeed, they haven't even been in an All-Ireland final since 1977. You'd think that would dampen their enthusiasm. Not a bit of it. They charge out of the county every 12 months and hope against hope that this will be the year.
Of course, there is a very good reason why Armagh have never won an All-Ireland: they are cursed. I kid you not. Armagh were once cursed by an old gypsy woman. It's true. The man who told me it was a schoolteacher and teachers never lie.
And before you sophisticates start writing in ridiculing this theory, I would just like to point out that there is historical precedence. After all, it was Macha (after whom the county is named) who cursed the men of Ulster so that they would be at their weakest at the time of their greatest need. Can it be that - in the absence of half-naked men wielding swords (and I'm not talking about streakers here) - the curse has transferred to the footballers of the Orchard County?
Kerry's blessing
Kerry, of course, suffer from no such curses. No, indeed. Kerry are blessed. Not only have they not been cursed by an old gypsy woman, they play in what is laughingly referred to as the Munster "Championship". Championship? What nonsense. A more accurate description would be: "The annual game between Cork and Kerry to see who gets the semi-final spot."
What a luxury for Kerry people to know that by beating Cork you book a place in an All-Ireland semi-final. Who else is there to stop you - the fearsome footballers of Clare? I think not. And, of course, the more semi-finals you are in, the better chance of winning them and going on to the final. And the more finals you're in. . .Well, you get the picture. You can't win if you're not in.
Pity poor Ulster teams then; year after year involved in dogfights with each other. In any given year, perhaps five of the nine have realistic hopes of winning the provincial title and the other four are only too willing (if not able) to have a go at their "betters".
Of course, one could forgive Kerry their good fortune were it not for the fact that they are so smug about their certainty of success. Let me give you an example. On the Saturday before the first Armagh-Kerry game, I heard so-called followers of the Kingdom on Raidio na Gaeltachta selling their tickets. Yes, selling their tickets the day before the game. (By that stage in Armagh there were people offering their grannies in exchange for tickets. It was like some horrible wrinkled slave trade.)
Why this urge to get rid of tickets: did they have a crystal ball which foretold a replay or they were "saving" themselves for the final? Obviously, the second is the likelier explanation. Fed on a diet of pro-Kerry propaganda, they were expecting a walk-over and a day out in September. Youse aren't there yet.
Thundering disgrace
Painful enough as that little vignette was, worse was to come. Imagine my horror when, at the conclusion of TG4's Nuacht last Saturday, the presenter, Siun Nic Gearailt (a Kerry woman it transpires) announced to all and sundry that her money was on the Kingdom to win the replay. It is nothing short of a thundering disgrace. I don't pay my licence fee to the BBC to have this sort of thing beamed into the house.
Needless to say, I shall be sending a letter of complaint to the proper authorities in TG4 and another letter to my MP, Mr David Trimble, First Minister of Northern Ireland. That's right, Siun, you have caused an international incident. Oh and by the way, Ard Mhacha Abu.