An Irishman's Diary

The image of actress Drew Barrymore romping naked through a cornfield is of course every Irish tillage farmer's nightmare. As if crows, mildew, and the effects of heavy rain are not enough of a threat, they must now also worry about Hollywood bad-girls trampling their crops. That is one result of Ms Barrymore's admission to a US magazine that, on her frequent trips to Ireland, she likes to "rip all [ her] clothes off and just run in the wheat fields".

Then there's the issue of trespass. The actress claimed the nude romps allowed her to feel "at one with nature". Unfortunately, her attitude is likely to place her at two with the Irish Farmers' Association, which has long campaigned against incursions on private land, even by fully-clothed walkers.

The Barrymore case breaks new ground, legally and every other way. But the insurance aspect must be considered. Running naked through a cornfield, romantic as it sounds, can be a fraught activity, carrying the risk of everything from a sprained ankle to severe chaffing. I speak from personal experience here.

Ms Barrymore would hardly sue for compensation. And if she did, it would be difficult to prove that the owner's duty of care extended to foreseeing the possibility of a Hollywood starlet running buck-naked through his fields. Even so, I think it's fair to say that just thinking about this prospect will now keep some farmers awake at night.

But however hard it is, we must always try to look on the bright side, which is surprisingly easy in this case. Because worrying as it may be to farmers, the actress's admission - which has been widely reported in the US media - is potentially the most exciting development for Irish tourism since Riverdance. The two are not unconnected, I suspect. It was Riverdance that finally made Ireland "sexy"; now, anything goes. At the very least, Ms Barrymore may have identified a new "niche" tourist experience that we can market alongside fishing and golf.

Another potentially positive side-effect of her interview may be a renewed interest in small-scale tillage farming. When I was a child, wheat and barley fields were still common in the northern half of the country, and a beautiful sight in July and August. With the trend towards specialisation, however, the crops are now concentrated in the south.

While ranchers there will undoubtedly react to the latest development by erecting fences, I suspect it may encourage small-holders elsewhere to grow an acre or two of wheat, on the off chance that Drew Barrymore might be passing sometime and fancy a run. (Incidentally, I presume that when she said "wheat", she was using the term generically. Thanks to its distinctive "whiskers", barley would be even more stimulating than wheat for a nude runner. Or so I'm told.) A third indirect benefit might be increased international interest in this newspaper's former sister-publication, the The Irish Field. I'm not trying to teach the new owners to suck eggs. But perhaps now would be a good time to launch a special naturist supplement.

More generally, it is gratifying to think that Ireland's cornfields are a safety valve in Ms Barrymore's continuing attempt to deal with the pressures of fame. She told the same magazine that her Irish adventures would surprise people because "I'm so responsible now". But as she approaches her 32nd birthday, responsibility is a recent acquaintance. Born into an acting dynasty, she was destined for childhood stardom and achieved it in ET. Barely had ET phoned home, however, than her descent into addiction began. She tried alcohol at nine, marijuana at 10, and cocaine at 12. She was in rehab by the age of 13, and temporarily exchanged the Hollywood lifestyle for work in a coffee shop before making a comeback.

For a time during the 1990s, the actress was famous - as now - for taking her clothes off. She posed nude for Playboy, and "flashed" David Letterman on air. At the height of this exposure, Stephen Spielberg sent her a quilt as a birthday present with the message, "Cover yourself up" - advice she seems to have taken by remaining clothed for longer periods since.

A Costello on her grandmother's side, Barrymore has strong Irish roots and her love of wheat may date from the August 2001 honeymoon in which she toured Galway, Limerick, Tipperary, and Kerry. Sadly the marriage lasted only a little longer than the harvest. Barely had the winter wheat been sown when her husband filed for divorce.

Commercial tillage farmers apart, most people will welcome her new maturity, for which - even at a time of rising wheat prices - minor crop damage seems a price worth paying. Of course in future, she and any other nubile Hollywood starlets planning this sort thing should first alert the landowner (and the nearest newspaper photographer), so that proper arrangements can be made.

They should also be mindful of frightening wildlife. The corncrake prefers wetlands, thank God. But as any birdwatcher knows, Irish wheat fields can be home to the meadow pipit, the corn bunting, and a wide variety of tits (behave yourself, reader). Once these considerations are met, a certain amount of naked romping could be a healthy thing.

If nothing else, Ms Barrymore has given us the most plausible explanation yet for the mysterious "crop circles" discovered from time to time in Ireland and Britain, and sometimes attributed to aliens.

I'm not saying she caused them all herself. But is it possible that ET was running after her?