These are not the good old days in California. Or Seattle, for that matter. The US west coast, famed for its sunshine in the southern reaches and high-tech prosperity in its pristine Pacific north-west, has been bludgeoned.
A combination of economic downturn, poor policy planning by distracted politicians, Microsoft woes and a series of scandals due to, depending on who's speaking, moral turpitude or plain bad luck have all contributed.
Where to begin?
It has been discovered that four-fifths of the female salmon spawning in the Columbia River in Seattle began their lives as males. The mid-life gender shift has led researchers from the University of Idaho and Washington State University to wonder aloud about Chinook salmon passing through the Hanford nuclear reactor.
Could it be the environmental oestrogens and pesticide run-off linked to early puberty and infant mortality in humans? A professor from the University of Idaho noted there was no way to put nature's mid-life sex change into "a positive light".
But most west coast residents are more concerned with immediate problems. The President-elect, George W. Bush, takes the helm of a country that is beginning to show some pronounced cracks after a period of prosperity, low crime and all-round good humour.
On December 19th, the Los Angeles Times carried the following stories:
1. A local paramedic was disciplined for refusing to take a pregnant woman in the process of miscarrying twins to a local hospital. The story notes the city's emergency medical system is overworked and in shambles.
2. A local city councillor was elated because he was acquitted by a jury of child-molestation charges.
3. A lawsuit, again in Los Angeles County, was filed by a public interest group charging that foster children were being kept in overcrowded and filthy conditions, sleeping in hallways at the county's main children's centre.
4. A scandal in the Los Angeles Police Department continues, with more evidence emerging that police officers lied and planted evidence in order to convict African-American and Hispanic suspects.
5. Finally, a local government is considering awarding a rubbish collection contract to a man who was convicted of bribing the same group of politicians five years ago.
And you were tired of tribunals?
In truth, these problems are hardly the worst of it. An energy crisis is consuming the attention of Californians and angering the residents of neighbouring states.
California deregulated the electricity industry in 1996. The idea was that market competition would lower prices, and at first, it did. Consumers saw the energy companies cut prices by 10 per cent.
But in the last 60 days the electricity companies in the region have argued that electricity supply is at an all-time low while consumption is at a high. And, they argue, higher wholesale prices for natural gas and electricity are forcing them into a crisis. There have been 34 "stage 2" emergency power alerts in California this year.
This is no idle academic argument. In San Diego, utility bills have tripled. The southern California Edison company has said it will file for bankruptcy in the next 30 days unless they can quadruple prices. Wall Street is threatening to downgrade the utilities bonds to junk status.
Edison board member and former secretary of state Warren Christopher - last visible as chief counsel to Vice-President Al Gore - sat down with California Gov Gray Davis on Tuesday and gave him, in the words of one observer, a stern lecture on the impending crisis. Some 11 million customers, including hospitals, will be without power if the company is forced to ration, Mr Christopher said.
California's appeal for help to neighbouring states has been met with hostility. A meeting this week of the Western State Governors Association in Denver, Colorado, was volatile and unsympathatic.
"Governor Davis is a new governor but you can't brag on the one hand that California is number three or number four in the world as an economic force and on the other can't supply its own energy needs," said Governor Bill Owens of Colorado.
The notion that the competitive market place would solve all policy issues is probably at the root of the region's problems. The question now is what recourse the average citizen has as prices rise and the politicians scramble for cover.
California's energy crisis - and, eventually, the issues of crime and the neglect of foster children and even the transgendered salmon - will no doubt reach Mr Bush's desk. With the economy in a slump and an electorate unconvinced of his legitimacy, he and the citizens of the west have a long road ahead.