Sir, – Were Kathy Sheridan to attend more funerals across different dioceses, she might realise that no two funerals are the same (“Treatment at family funeral showed how Catholic Church just keeps scoring own goals”, Opinion & Analysis, June 22nd).
The most important people at a funeral are the family and those attending, and it is a given that a large number of attendees are not regular churchgoers. They are in shock, devastated, sad and sometimes angry. The priest, the lay funeral team and the undertaker are trained and experienced at how to handle each individual funeral. The philosophy is that all approach the funeral in a spirit of compassion and empathy. Before the funeral, the family meet with the undertaker, the priest and, sometimes, the funeral team. This is the time when the funeral is clearly planned, where readings and readers are chosen.
Most importantly, this is also when a discussion takes place about whether or not to have a eulogy.
A eulogy at a funeral is optional; some families want it, some don’t. When it is to be included those meeting the family must diplomatically explain that it should not be too long and that the person delivering it can do so while retaining their composure. As to when and where the eulogy is delivered there are basically two options. Some churches have the eulogy before Mass begins. The other option is that when Mass has concluded the priest uses the opportunity to invite the eulogist to come forward. This can then be followed by the Final Commendation prayers. As the Mass is a sacred liturgy it is important that it is not interrupted, so having the eulogy before the Mass or after the Mass should satisfy all, and the mourners should be able to come away in the knowledge that their loved one and they also have been respected. – Yours, etc,
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TONY CORCORAN,
Rathfarnham,
Dublin 14.
Sir, – I am of an age that remembers when all eulogies – and they were few – were given at the graveside, without a microphone. I believed they were a secular intrusion into the sacred rites of the funeral liturgy. However, of late I have come to regard them as, to quote Kathy Sheridan’s opinion piece, “something complementary to the death and resurrection liturgy”.
But “complementary” they should be. Fr Joe Mullan’s suggestion that “some pretty firm guidelines [be] laid down” is very apposite. And the “firm guidelines” should be adhered to. Often they are not. When we attend the doctor’s surgery we don’t tell the doctor what to do; the doctor is the expert. The celebrant is the expert in the day’s liturgy.
I have attended a funeral Mass where all three daughters of the deceased took to the lectern; all had their say, mostly the same, and all broke down in uncontrollable sobs. Or the funeral of a member of a religious order where the order representative eulogised for 48 minutes; not a word about God, resurrection or afterlife. On enquiry, I discovered that he had given the same eulogy, to mostly the same people, at the previous night’s removal, with, on both occasions, no consultation with the presiding priest. I also wonder why sometimes it is necessary to call on the services of the eulogist at all, when the celebrant has already given a lengthy sermon which turns out to be a eulogy, with, in some cases, scant reference to the eternal. If the eulogy is to be about the secular, then let the sermon dwell on the sacred.
In my experience, it is generally accepted that the Catholic Church does death and funerals well. Let all of us hope that this remains to be the situation. – Yours, etc,
NOEL CASEY,
Carrick on Suir,
Co Tipperary.
Sir, – Kathy Sheridan’s article rings so true. My mother, who lived to be over 100 years, was a devoted and very generous member of the Catholic Church. Growing up, our house was an open door to all the different priests in the parish and yet when it came to her funeral Mass none of her six children were allowed to even say a few words to recognise and celebrate her great life. Instead, we had to listen to the parish priest speak about a woman whom he only knew in the last 10 years of her life, when her health was failing. The whole previous 90 years obliterated! No acknowledgement of the good wife, mother and friend. Eight years on, I still get upset at the lack of awareness, empathy and sympathy within the church, particularly the Meath diocese.
What is so wrong with publicly acknowledging a life worth living? – Yours, etc,
ANNE MEADE,
Calverstown,
Co Westmeath.
Sir, – Kathy Sheridan describes how mourners were exposed to the elements as someone tried to deliver a funeral eulogy. Her account was disturbing.
While eulogies are not allowed at funeral Masses, it might be helpful to distinguish between the actual Mass itself, and the possible use of the church building for appropriate sharings – call them eulogies if you wish – outside of Mass time.
My experience as a priest in South Africa might be worth sharing. The family of the deceased and the church community leaders plan the funeral occasion. One hour is allotted before Mass to appropriate sharings from members of the extended family and representatives of wider community bodies with whom the deceased was associated. The short sharings are usually in local languages, each sharing interspersed with singing.
When the hour is up, the funeral Mass begins. It includes “a short homily but never a eulogy of any kind”. Finally the removal to the graveside and the burial take place. No unnecessary suffering under the elements.
A different cultural experience, but perhaps one worth reflecting on. – Yours, etc,
Rev MICHAEL
BENNETT, SPS,
Navan,
Co Meath.