Sir, – This week we heard a lot in the media about coercive control. It is good to highlight this dysfunctional and dangerous behaviour, but it is important in the interest of equality and balance to note that woman also abuse and can be guilty of coercive control. Focusing on the male as always being the perpetrator and the female as victim can give an incomplete picture and makes it seem that the abusing female is above suspicion. – Yours, etc,
MARY DALY,
Dublin 14.
Sir, – We all owe our gratitude to the victim of Paul Moody. Thanks to her, and others like her, the public are being forced to face the reality of one of the most insidious and evil forms of abuse, which takes place on an all too frequent basis. However, I can’t help feeling that we are in danger of going around in the same never-ending loop, when it comes to violence against women. First comes the shock-horror reaction (as if this was a rare event), followed by a passionate determination to “do something”, before drifting into a “forgetting all about it” state of amnesia, until the next time.
It leads me to wonder how many men talk about these events solely among themselves, without women present? How many men actually bring up this type of news item when they are out with their male friends or family members? There can be no change in the misogyny that underpins coercive control and violence until decent men (the majority, I trust) let these perpetrators know what they think of them, by speaking out. After all, such a perpetrator does not have “monster” stamped on his forehead. These men often exhibit great charm and personality, which masks their twisted intent. They are everywhere: in the workplace, in public life and even among friend and family groups. You may know them – you just don’t know that you know them. If the subject is never discussed among the male groups of which they are part, they are further emboldened to behave as they do. Do not keep waiting for women to start the conversation. – Yours, etc,
JESSICA FREED,
Dublin 8.