Madam, – Last year, after several years of living and working abroad, I found myself in the unusual position of returning to gainful employment in Ireland, against the tide of emigration.
I returned after a period of ill health to the support of family and friends. After many months of battling the health system to gain access to a consultant to take over my care, a series of outrageous misadventures, lost files, stress, and chaos, I recently had to quit my job and flee the country to Germany where the health system snapped me up in a matter of hours.
While en route I shared the train with 10-15 intoxicated hens, and a five-litre bottle of vodka, finally exiting the country via the glorious Terminal 2 at Dublin airport. After taking the scenic route through the gleaming empty corridors I arrived at the same gate of the old terminal, as always, where Aer Lingus promptly lost my bags.
Having just escaped the quagmire that is our proud little nation I can only say this: please Mr Kenny, stop arguing with Mrs Merkel and pay the EU back its money. At least if they have it, we know it is safe and that there is a haven to which we can flee when Jackie Healy-Rae becomes president. – Yours, etc,