MARGUERITE McDAID,
Madam, - "Marguerite McDaid's autobiography is likely to please no one", writes Kathy Sheridan in you paper (November, 16th).
On the contrary Kathy, my book has in fact pleased many people. True, it may also have displeased a certain section of society, mainly those close to the seat of power. However, throughout the country there exists a vast array of free thinking people who have the literary intelligence to delve beneath the "scorned wife" tag, and take the much more serious issues of the book to heart. The theme which Kathy missed entirely is that this book is really about the "twitching net curtains" scenario of alcoholism, suicide and psychological or mental abuse.
But "let's not talk about these things" in public Kathy. Let's keep them hidden in Catholic Ireland. Instead let's put down the woman who believes in the importance of marriage and the stability of the family in this country of ours, which is dashing blindly down the route of the UK and America, where the family has all but vanished. Instead, let's praise the adulterer. Let's publicly applaud the abuser. Let's ridicule the woman who can feel love, who can forgive.
What have the problems of alcohol abuse, suicide and domestic violence got in common. Well, they are never out of the news for starters. We have daily statistics from the Minister for Health, Micháel Martin, from the Garda Siochána and from various health professionals on how Ireland is fast becoming a nation of addictive boozers.
"Alcohol and the Family", was the theme of a wonderful conference held in Donegal in recent weeks and attended by experts from all over the country, and abroad. "We need to start recognising the role of the family in this huge problem", they said.
So what happens? A member of one such "family" sticks her head above the parapet and tries to bring this "huge problem" into the open and what happens. A hail of bullets from the national media immediately shoots her down. Oh yes, that should definitely encourage others in her position to get the courage to speak out. I doubt it.
And suicide. This week, a local priest in Wexford called on people to talk about suicide and bring it into the open, while burying one recent victim. I applaud that priest. Yet, when a woman speaks honestly and openly about her state of mind while on the brink of such a fate, she is told to shut up, literally. "Don't talk about that," her detractors hiss.
And abuse. How much courage did it take, I wonder, for that brave lady who challenged her husband in court after she alleged he had raped her? Her strength is truly admirable. But what if her husband had been a very public figure. Would her honesty be appreciated? So yes, it takes courage to speak out about abuse, either physical or verbal. Abuse in the workplace, abuse in the home. It doesn't matter. It still takes courage. "Women, speak up for yourselves". "Men too, speak up for yourselves".
We need to stop this abuse. We need to empty GP surgeries across the country of women suffering from depression, ulcers, high blood pressure, and loss of self-esteem, possibly caused by the continuous put down from their partners. But keep quiet about that.
So a woman speaks up. And what does she get from the media. Shut up again. We don't want to know these things. We have great difficulty with the truth. We prefer to rubbish the bearer of bad news. Yes, unfortunately wealthy men in smart suits abuse too. They abuse the women who live in their palatial prisons. They abuse their children. They degrade them and they withhold their love.
No Kathy, this book is not a piece of kiss and tell titillation. It is not the story of a scorned wife. It is merely the story of a wife and mother who did her best to preserve her marriage and her family, for her husband and children's sake as well as for her own, but who was beaten by circumstances beyond her control. If it is a sin in modern Ireland to believe in the family, then yes, I am guilty of that sin. But I do imagine that there are many more sinners out there with me. - Yours, etc.,
MARGUERITE McDAID, Sylvan Park, Letterkenny, Co. Donegal.