Madam, - At the end of April, the Taoiseach is due to address the combined houses of the US Congress. Three weeks later, Dustin The Turkey will fly to Belgrade to compete in the Eurovision Song Contest. Clearly, our country's interests would be better served if these two iconic figures swapped roles.
Bertie has been singing so many fantastic tunes recently that one of them would be bound to be a hit in Serbia. At a pinch, he could sing I Did It My Way, as Gaeilge. Dustin, for his part would literally be able to talk turkey (dictionary: "discuss in a straightforward manner") with George Bush on issues close to his avian heart, such as importing Turkey into the European Union, transporting dead turkeys through Shannon Airport for the troops in Iraq, the deadly threat of bird flu, and global warming - especially from all those ovens at Christmas and Thanksgiving.
By flying solo on the longer trip to Washington, Dustin could also reduce our carbon footprint.
Meanwhile, Bertie could take the disoriented express to Belgrade. While he's there, he could advise those deluded Serb-Féiners to give up the daft idea of restoring national unity and let Kosovo go the way of Norn Iron.
If they change places, these two stars of Irish culture now have a unique opportunity to re-establish Ireland as a major player on the world stage. As Dustin himself declared, "Turkey Ár Lá!".
- Yours, etc,
JERRY CROWLEY, Belgrove Lawn, Dublin 20.
Madam, - Dustin's victory in the National Song Contest on Saturday night brought a welcome blast of good humour, comedy and farce to a population weary of spin-doctors and their mind-boggling versions of events.
Dustin the Turkey is getting stiff competition from Bertie the Ostrich with his ridiculous and convoluted explanations of his finances at the Mahon tribunal. Bertie's backing chorus of brass monkeys - the Cabinet ministers, who see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil - are busy screeching and doing all kinds of silly tricks to try to distract the public from the facts that have been revealed.
- Yours, etc,
DAVID HAYES, Bishopstown Avenue, Cork.
Madam, - In olden times Ireland was known as the Land of Saints and Scholars.
Will it now be known for turkeys and tribunals?
- Yours, etc,
MICHAEL O'CONNOR, Millbrook Court, Midleton, Co Cork.