Newton Emerson found an un'anti'cipated leit-motif in an unreported speech at the Sinn Féin ard fheis.
'Ard comhairle, comrades, I address you today at a difficult time for our party. This week the so-called Minister for Justice, Michael McDowell, has likened us to the Nazis. This is anti-republican and anti-Sinn Féin.
"Last week the so-called Taoiseach told several of our most senior representatives that time is no longer a friend of the Good Friday agreement. This is anti-peace process and anticlockwise.
"There are clearly many people of influence who consider that the rise of Sinn Féin is a depressing matter. This is antidepressant and antimatter. Many of their treasonous media collaborators have described us as a poison in the body politic. This is antiseptic and antibody. Last week a television interviewer on BBC's Six Counties caused our leader to lose his temper and make several rash statements. This was antiballistic and antihistamine.
"Several cowardly commentators also made negative charges against Mr Adams during his recent Australian book tour. This was anti-static and antipodean. Securocrat-inspired newspapers stories have appeared in Belfast linking some of our most respected colleagues with fuel smuggling in south Armagh. This is anti-personnel and anti-tank.
"Our human rights-based community justice programme has been blamed for severing the connection between femurs and kneecaps. This is the anterior cruciate ligament. We have even been accused of speaking in deliberate contradictions. This is antiloquy.
"Meanwhile unionists say we are creating a cold house for Protestants by making inflammatory statements. This is anti-inflammatory and antifreeze. Of course Ian Paisley has gone much further, telling Tony Blair that Sinn Féin, the largest anti-anti-agreement party, should be excluded from negotiations if we do not fulfil our role. This is simply an anti-role bar.
"Yes comrades, there are a great many people in Ireland still stuck in the past, frightened by what Sinn Féin has accomplished. This is antiquated antipathy. Our political opponents claim that we have been given quite enough breathing room already. This is antioxidant and anteroom. They believe that society now expects us alone to finish the implementation of the Good Friday agreement. This is antisocial and an anticlimax.
"They say that we have lingered too long at the start of the road to Damascus. This is Antioch.
"Sometimes it seems that politicians in the South are like deer caught in the headlights, unable to appreciate the gravity of the situation. This is anti-gravity and antelope. They tell themselves that the bedrock of our support is a lower strata that will weaken and collapse. This is an anticline.
"They think that they can stop our vote from mushrooming. This is anti-fungal. But it is they who lack the courage to finish the prescribed course. This is anti-heroic and antibiotic.
"So we must make it clear to the political establishment that they will not claim any Sinn Féin scalps with their flaky tactics, for we are anti-establishment and anti-dandruff. We will protect our seats from their dirty tricks. With an antimacassar.
"It is particularly desperate, arrogant, ignorant and hypocritical of Fianna Fáil to accuse us of being inextricably linked to the IRA when that party was also born of the armed struggle. This is our antecedent antidote. Therefore Sinn Féin is the logical next step in Ireland's political dialectic. This is thesis-antithesis-synthesis. But mostly antithesis.
"The ordinary people of the 26 counties have grown weary of politicians who steal their money and stash it away in offshore tax havens. Such as Antigua and the Antilles. They seek a secular saviour from the antediluvian anti-inflationary antics of the old order. "Comrades, Sinn Féin will be that anticipated anti-Christ! We will not forget the blood sacrifice of our fallen volunteers, for that would be anticoagulant.
"We will not have tea with the queen while soldiers attack the workers, for that would be anti-ant. And while we build a socialist paradise in Ireland we will not forget the poor and oppressed peoples of the third world, for that would be anti-shanty.
"The reality is that the time has come for others to realise that there is no point trying to make Sinn Féin sweat, for that only lowers the pressure over London. This is anti-perspirant and anticyclone. The authorities in Dublin must realise that they are also failing in their key responsibility to break the log-jam. This is antilog and anti-lock break. Once the big men of Fianna Fáil were the cream of Irish politics but now they are ageing - and comrades, let there be no mistake. Sinn Féin is anti-ageing cream."
Newton Emerson is editor of the satirical website portadownnews.com