REPORTS of the continuing popularity of marriage raised a few eyebrows last week. The only reason for surprise is that a crack has appeared between the cynicism of modern society and the dreams of the people in that society. Simplistic answers cannot explain the resilient popularity of marriage.
People do not get married simply to protect their pension plan. Nor is the confetti-fairytale (or releasing the inner-Bridezilla) the explanation. Just over three out of every 10 couples who married in 2011 chose to do so in church. The emerging civil culture that is replacing religious culture seems as committed to marriage as were its religious antecedents. Christianity claims that marriage was the one blessing that was not lost to Original Sin nor washed away in the Great Flood; it has even survived secularism.
Marriage is the only sacrament that resists blasphemy. Comedians and gossip-columnists may address a spouse’s behaviour or behaviour at weddings quite freely but they can never ridicule marriage itself. That area still has a sense of the sacred and the continued popularity of marriage shows that many people share that sense. The desire to find a constant companion to love and be loved by cannot be quenched by bad publicity. The power to generate new life is not something that a smug world, awed by empirical science, can replicate; but is within the dream of two lovers regardless of their education or wealth.
Christianity’s first two claims are that God is the source of all Life and that a God is the source of all Love. Uniquely, these two qualities are to be found in marriage and form the basis of a natural spirituality. Consider the first joy of prospective parents as they show the scan of their new baby to the world and both are filled with joy by what they have generated together.
Like every other human relationship, the marriage encounters strife, struggle and tempers. Workmates argue, drivers curse, friends fall out, in-laws judge. When times as these arrive it is easiest to offer the lowest option of replacement rather than repair. We have certainly come to accept that as the standard way for dealing with faulty electronics.
A visit to the civic authority yard reveals the conscience of our throw-away society; the stacked cyber-piles for recycling absolve us of culpability for our knowing wastefulness. The scratched screen and combined wait for repair make a double inconvenience; so replace and recycle makes everybody happy.
The model doesn’t work as efficiently for human brokenness. That does not stop us from forcing public debate through at this level. As long as we can tick all the boxes and ensure that everything is lawful we satisfy our consciences and move along. But the ripples from a sundered union last a lot longer than the soundwaves of a commodity falling into a skip. Those who were surprised by marriage’s continuing popularity may have overlooked that people can still be deeply spiritual even if they are not religious. Healthy religion is built on these spiritual foundations but nobody is under obligation to develop that site to its full religious potential.
And there are other areas that might surprise us about human spirituality. There are people deeply rooted in their families, their land, their church, their politics and their careers. These provide plenty of material for the stand-up – but marriage gets skirted – only those who raise eyebrows go where comedians fear to tread. There is really little surprise in the fact that people are still romantically attached to that thing which best expresses the yearnings of the human spirit; a love for life!