Should he find himself at a loose end after the politics gig finishes, the Taoiseach will have no problem landing a job muttering superfast declaimer voiceovers at the end of radio commercials for financial products.
It’s a handy string to Micheál Martin’s bow, and he could use it if he decides not to go down the board-of-directors or statesman-at-large route.
He could perfect his rapid-fire patter at the end of the next batch of Fianna Fáil party political broadcasts.
As the heartwarming videos of caring candidates fade to a close, his unmistakable Cork tones would kick in: “Fianna Fáil or ‘The Party’ is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Soldiers of Destiny FF operating under SIPO rules and licensed by Bunreacht na hÉireann. The value of your votes can go up as well as down. Fianna Fáil is not liable for paper cuts from election leaflets. Promises may not be actionable. All offers and statements are right at the time. Always get the bill-payer’s permission, terms and conditions apply…”
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It’s amazing how fast the Taoiseach can talk when he has to — like when he has to correct the Dáil record having made an inaccurate statement to the House the week before. No deputy likes to do this but, in Micheál’s case, having to stand up in the chamber and apologise for getting something wrong about Sinn Féin is particularly galling. Sticks in the craw.
Which is why he spat out the correction in jig time.
Last week, Fine Gael’s Paul Kehoe asked him if he shared his concerns over a decision by RTÉ Radio “to drop a heavily sanitised interview it had recorded with Shane Ross on his new book on Mary Lou McDonald” because, in the opinion of the TD for Wexford, this was “censorship of the highest order”.
Micheál didn’t need much encouragement to come back with a reply, managing with supreme self-discipline to stop short of prefacing it with “I’m glad you asked me that question”.
He didn’t hold back. “Such a development has a chilling effect on public debate and on democracy,” he tremored. “Of that there is no doubt,” he added, having declared without doubt in his opening sentence: “I don’t know the background to the entire case.”
He told Kehoe he found it “intriguing” that “apparently” a political party had been allowed listen to this interview in advance of the non-broadcast. He didn’t think he ever got that opportunity when he was across the floor in Mary Lou’s shoes.
Although he wasn’t entirely sure about this. “I stand to be corrected.”
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On Tuesday afternoon, following strong denials by Sinn Féin and RTÉ, he stood to issue his correction.
While it is not disputed that RTÉ offered Sinn Féin the opportunity to read extracts from Winston Churchtown’s latest page-turner, the Taoiseach succumbed to unproven rumours that the broadcaster also gave Sinn Féin the audio of Claire Byrne’s interview with the former minister; rumours which may or may not have emanated from the gossipy proximity of a PR-savvy politician.
Drat! Micheál had to admit he had been mistaken in his comments. He also promised to correct the Dáil record as soon as possible.
After Leaders’ Questions and at the very end of the Order of Business, after he had dealt with questions on a variety of topics from a total of 19 TDs, he rose and stood corrected. The chamber was almost deserted, the benches cleared.
“Leas Ceann Comhairle, if I could, very quickly…” piped up Micheál before rattling off his clarification.
“Last week in an exchange with Deputy Paul Kehoe — it was a very brief exchange — about whether I shared his concern about some journalism in that week’s Sunday Independent regarding an interview with the former minister Shane Ross about his book on Mary Lou McDonald being dropped. In agreeing with Deputy Kehoe I speculated that the reason the interview was dropped may have been a fear of being sued. I also said that ‘apparently a political party got access to the interview’. For that I stood to be corrected. A closer reading of the interview showed that it was actually extracts from the book that were to be offered to Sinn Féin rather than the interview. I am happy to clarify that and correct the record.”
And that was it.
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Two Sinn Féin TDs were in the chamber — Louise O’Reilly and Maurice Quinlivan, looking as indifferent as everyone else. Doesn’t matter, though — their party has that correction and it will come in very handy for flinging at the Taoiseach whenever he starts talking at them about honesty in politics.
Honesty in politics?
There is none, according to a man in a van who delivered his verdict in a drive-by shouting on Molesworth Street early on Tuesday morning.
“F***in’ liars, the lot of yis!” he roared out the window at a collection of senior Fine Gael Ministers and a select assortment of junior Ministers standing on the footpath looking for notice.
Half past eight in the morning and they had already harassed legions of already harassed commuters stepping from buses and the Luas on their way to work in the Kildare Street kuwarter.
Tánaiste and party leader Leo Varadkar led this blue-chip canvass which included Heather Humphreys, Paschal Donohoe, Simon Harris and Simon Coveney. They looked cold and less than overjoyed to be out at that hour. (On the plus side, they didn’t have far to leg it to Leinster House for a full Irish in the Dáil canteen.)
They had been out spreading the joyous Blueshirt budget message to the masses, rounding off their ramble with an impromptu press conference because a posse of press people suddenly turned up on foot of an emailed invitation giving no reason for this gathering.
The handlers could hardly write “for attention-seeking and soundbite purposes” on their notice. Still, they got on the news nice and early in the day, despite having nothing new to say.
Afterwards, they discussed the drive-by shouting and felt a correction was in order. The journalists were mistaken about the van driver’s words. In fact, he bellowed “F***in’ lawyers!” and the hilarious thing is, only two of them were lawyers — Senator Barry Ward and Deputy Jennifer Carroll MacNeill.
We will not stand corrected.
