TDs react in different ways to an impending election.
It’s driven the Healy-Raes buck mad.
One big symptom is an obsession with the leader of the Labour Party and her – not unreasonable – desire to have sufficient and adequate bicycle parking facilities available to the many people who cycle to work in Leinster House.
Granted, not a lot of commuters who live beyond the Red Cow roundabout use push-power to get to Kildare Street of a morning. And cycling into Leaders’ Questions every day from Healy-Rae territory in Kerry would be impossible.
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So Ivana Bacik’s request – she is not alone among her peers in asking for this additional infrastructure – is solid proof that Them Above In Dublin have no time for the decent people of rural Ireland. Because if they did, they would tarmac the grounds of Leinster House – front and back – to allow put-upon politicians who have driven up from the country to park their cars there for free.
Oh, they already have? Well, it isn’t enough. They should steamroll across in to Merrion Square as well. It’s dog eat dog for spaces every Tuesday at lunchtime when elected tribunes are rushing in to get the dinner before the first sessions of the parliamentary week.
The Healy-Raes seem to believe that deputy Bacik, who represents Dublin Bay South – a verdant place where people originally from the sticks who wish they had been born a Protestant huddle together for sourdough and safety, is to blame for the most famous bike stand in Ireland.
This little installation along the side wall of the National Gallery cost a jaw-dropping €335,000. Coalition politicians were as shocked as their Opposition counterparts when the figure was revealed, as the installation was the OPW’s project.
Dubbed the “Gucci bike shed” by Aontú's Peadar Tóibín, the structure may not support many bikes but it is excellently supporting passionate speeches from Opposition candidates attacking Government waste and will provide a strong backbone for countless election leaflets when the campaign begins.
Michael and Danny Healy-Rae have been gunning for the Labour leader because she wanted a proper bicycle stand on both the Merrion Street and Kildare Street sides of the building. No matter what issue Ivana Bacik raises in the Dáil and no matter how serious it might be, if there is a Healy-Rae present, chances are there will be remarks about bicycles.
[ Dáil bike shed leaps onto political agenda as a big issue for votersOpens in new window ]
Wednesday was no different, with Danny already spoiling for a scene before deputy Bacik rose to her feet like a red rag to a Rural Independent bull. During an earlier Labour motion on staffing levels in the health service, the brothers expressed their solidarity with healthcare workers protesting over staff shortages at University Hospital Kerry. It was a shame this had to happen, said Danny, blaming the man sitting opposite him, Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly.
“He’s the worst cog in the Government’s wheel.”
A view solidly endorsed by his fellow Rural Independent Michael Collins, who said the health service in west Cork is every bit as bad as it is in neighbouring Kerry.
Perhaps it was all too much for Stephen Donnelly, who left the chamber for a time, leaving mild-mannered Minister of State for Health Colm Burke to hold the fort.
Fine Gael’s Michael Ring was also on substitute duty, in the Chair. He called on the next speaker, Donegal’s Thomas Pringle.
Cue huffing and puffing from the Danny direction.
“Where is the Minister gone? What’s the good in coming in here if ...”
Michael tried to cut him off. Good luck with that.
“Deputy Healy-Rae, you’ve had your time now. You’ve had your time.”
DHR didn’t think so.
“I’m asking. Where is he gone?”
“He’s over there,” said the Chair, pointing to the Government benches where Colm was sitting, bespectacled and earnest. He might as well have been invisible.
“I am asking where is he gone?” repeated Danny, highly agitated.
Michael flung his arm out towards Colm again.
“He’s over here.”
“He’s not the Minister.”
The Ringer was getting thick now.
“He is the Minister. Yes he is. And don’t be so disrespectful. He is a Minister.”
More huffing and puffing and spluttering from Danny.
“He’s a Minister! And don’t be disrespectful!”
The spluttering intensified.
“He’s not here!”
One Ringer arm was shooting out to point at Colm – meekly sitting in silence, while the other arm was flying out to hush Danny, still howling and harrumphing for Kerry.
“Sit down now.”
He called again on Thomas Pringle.
But Danny wouldn’t shut up. Ivana Bacik could have told him that.
“Don’t be so disrespectful now to a Minister,” quivered Michael.
Then Michael Collins, out of the blue, shouts, “What about Bere Island and Cape Clear?” while Danny, now highly affronted, roars: “I’m never disrespectful to anyone ...”
If shouting ‘shut up’ at the Healy-Raes was a criminal offence, Bacik would be cleared on grounds of provocation and proper order
“Don’t. He’s a Minister,” repeated the Chair, standing up for the serenely smiling Colm Burke.
Perhaps this made Danny reconsider. He calmed down and clarified his position.
“I’ve no respect for that man who isn’t here inside today.”
And whose name he couldn’t bring himself to mention.
It wasn’t long, though, before election fever gripped the Healy-Raes again. It was Ivana Bacik’s turn at Leaders’ Questions so they just couldn’t help themselves. She wanted to talk about staff shortages in schools, where subjects are being taken off the curriculum in some cases and, “shockingly”, unqualified staff are being recruited just to keep classrooms open.
This is causing big problems for children and their families while new and junior teachers are trying to cope with difficult working conditions and the high cost of living.
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[ Thousands of children left with unqualified teachers amid staffing ‘crisis’Opens in new window ]
“We need a commitment to address these issues. We in the Labour Party are calling for a taskforce to address this crisis. What is the Government putting in place now to stem the exodus of teachers from our schools?”
Michael Healy-Rae, understanding the need to act constructively, was quick with his response.
“She’s not looking for a second bike shed any more.”
This time the Ceann Comhairle was in the Chair. “Please. Pleeeze,” he groaned as the smirking Healy-Raes were revving up.
Ivana snapped.
“Oh, shut up!”
That’s not like her. Although if shouting “shut up” at the Healy-Raes was a criminal offence she would be cleared on grounds of provocation and proper order.
“She gave up on the second bike shed,” sniggered MHR.
A chuckling DHR chimed in. “She’s not very good at building anything.”
The Ceann rolled his eyes.
“We’ve had enough of the Waldorf and Statler.”
Wasting his time.
Ivana gathered herself during the Taoiseach’s reply.
“A Cheann Comhairle, I apologise for my language earlier but I am sick of taking insults on cycling and abuse on cycling from deputies who believe that God above is in charge of the weather and have no record of taking climate change seriously. I have no time for that nonsense.”
Danny started up again. The Ceann told him to stop bickering.
“But she referred to me,” he whinged.
Oh, shut up.
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