Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN
Revolting: paying twice
LA Liga club Rayo Vallecano aren’t in the best shape financially so, naturally enough, they’re trying to bring in funds any way they can.
Their supporters, though, weren’t amused by the decision to charge season ticket holders in to the game against Barcelona last week, when they half assumed their seats were already paid for.
They didn’t take it sitting down, so to speak.
“Is this what you want the stands to look like?” read a banner draped across empty seats, “We crap on this crappy league,” read another – as spotted by the Guardian.
As for the price of the tickets, well, yet another banner suggested: “€20 is what your mother costs.”
Oh dear.
Derby days: Tackling bosses
YOU might recall Alex Ferguson and Roberto Mancini having a bit of a set-to during last Monday's Manchester derby when the United supremo expressed his disquiet about Nigel De Jong's tackle on Danny Welbeck.
Well, the Telegraph gave lipreader James Freestone the task of figuring out what was said between the pair. Was it:
Ferguson: "By jove Roberto, that was a rather chunky challenge," Mancini: "I beg to differ, Sir, while humbly respecting your opinion." Or: Ferguson: "I've ****ing had enough of this."
Mancini: "You can ****ing talk."
Take your time, it's a tricky one.
Just Champion: Method in madness as Bundesliga rivals cheer on Bayern Munich
THE Champions League final will be a tricky one for the supporters of Schalke and Hoffenheim, not widely known for their love of Bayern Munich.
They will, though, you'd imagine, be hooting and hollering for their Bundesliga rivals, rather than Chelsea.
Why? Because if Bayern win the final their entire first prize of €9 million will, combined, go to Schalke and Hoffenheim as payment for the clauses written in to the contracts of Manuel Neuer and Luiz Gustavo – Neuer joined from Schalke last summer and Gustavo from Hoffenheim the previous January.
Bayern would actually be better off, prize money wise, if they were beaten by Chelsea. You'd imagine, though, they'd be happy enough to take the loss of loot. But the person who negotiated the deal?
As the Eurosport site put it: "Suffice to say that there are nine million reasons why the overly-pessimistic lawyer who allowed these clauses through might soon be clearing his desk in the back rooms of the Allianz Arena."
Trapattoni: Farming out the charm to the Irish
"The Irish mindset, it's very like mine, the people are like my people, small farmers . . . "
– Giovanni Trapattoni. Eh?
"As Roy Hodgson walked in to face the welcoming committee at Wembley, Sky TV were plugging the film Voyage to the Bottom of the Earth. It was a suitable reminder of most people's expectations when England travel to Poland and Ukraine this summer."
– Oliver Kay, of the London Times, gets fired up for Euro 2012.
"He gets so upset when he misses a chance in training. Sometimes you will see him arguing with himself for five minutes about how he missed it."
– Tim Krul on the rather self-critical Papiss Cisse.
"I'm not really one for being careful about every word I say. If you're going to sit down and keep talking a load of cobblers, what's the point?"
– Harry Redknapp congratulates Roy Hodgson on getting the England job.
"Although he may not be human, it's good that Messi still thinks he is. Messi plays another sport."
– Barcelona's Javier Mascherano on his extraterrestrial team-mate.
Honeymoon hell: Romance flourishes at Southampton
Hiroki Yasumoto
It's four years since Tokyo native Hiroki married his beloved Mio, but it was only last week that the couple got around to going on their honeymoon.
What slice of paradise did they visit to celebrate their marriage? A Championship match between Southampton and Coventry.
Hiroki studied in Coventry a few years back and developed a passion for its football club, so when he was thinking about a honeymoon destination and checked the dates, he saw that his team was away to Southampton. Perfect.
"She was shocked when I suggested it," he didn't need to tell the London Metro.
So, they flew 6,000 miles for the game, by which time Coventry had already been relegated. And then they lost 4-0.
"The match was like torture for me," he said.
Mio, you'd imagine, felt much the same.
Seeing red for bizarre penalty: Madness ensues after comes clean about foul
TALAT Abunima. You know, the fella who plays for Norwegian fifth division club Sandved? Abunima was awarded a penalty in a game against Ild after he went tumbling, but immediately began protesting that it wasn't a penalty at all.
"I went past an Ild player and then tripped over my own feet. It was unbelievably clumsy of me and when the referee pointed to the spot I felt I had to speak out," he told his local newspaper.
The ref not only refused to change his decision, he also booked Abunima for protesting. "It was a clear penalty," he insisted. "The player got it all wrong – I don't think the players know the rules properly. And when I've blown the whistle, I can't change my mind."
Was that the end of that? No, Abunima carried on complaining, so the ref sent him off.
And then Sandved player-coach Oyvind Svenning stepped up to take the penalty – and deliberately sent it wide. "It was the right thing to do," he said after the game.
There was no end to the goodness – Ild then withdrew a player to even up the sides.
Was there a happy ending? Not quite. Ild were awarded two late penalties, they scored both, and the game finished 3-3.
"The guy who missed on purpose complained a lot about the penalty that led to the 3-3 goal," said the ref, "I don't really understand that. First he shoots wide on purpose, then he complains when the other team scores. It's hopeless."
On a happier note, Abunima has had his red card overturned.
If the face fits: Busy times for Roy's lookalike
BIRMINGHAM-based commercial law consultant Neil Maybury found himself in the spotlight last week – and with a whole heap of extra work – after the appointment of Roy Hodgson as England manager.
It all started five years ago when Maybury's son told him: "I've got some bad news for you, Dad . . . you look just like Roy Hodgson."
"Depends on your point of view of course, but I didn't think it was too awful a comparison," Maybury told the Daily Mirror.
He then became a client with the Susan Scott Look-a-Likes agency, but wasn't overly busy, the demand for a Hodgson doppelganger seemingly low.
He was occasionally confused for Hodgson, though, a Norwegian in a London bar on one occasion, as he said, "grabbing me in a bear hug from behind".
"I must get stopped three or four times a week now by fans who recognise me as Roy. I was at a match only the other week and when I showed a chap a picture of me and Roy together, he had to ask 'Which one is you?"
Have a look at the photo and see what you think. If you're not convinced, you have to concede it's a closer resemblance than the one featured on the Third Kit website – they reckon Paul McCartney's Roy's double. As similar as ebony and ivory?
