Holland - Apart from Jaap Stam, Pierre Van Hooijdonk, Sander Westerveld, Ed de Goey, Aron Winter, Peter Van Vossen, Arthur Numan, Michael Reiziger, Paul Bosvelt and Philip Cocu (or "Coco", as Joe Kinnear calls him) we like the look of the half-hosts squad and, so long as they don't all storm out of their camp in a huff, leaving manager Frank Rijkaard with no option but to select himself, we reckon they could do well-ish.
Belgium - We're not too optimistic for the other-half-hosts, to be honest. You have to worry about the prospects of a nation that includes in its squad a man who could barely hold down a first team place at Derby County last season (Branko Strupar).
Germany - We don't mean to be ageist or anything but the inclusion in Germany's squad of a player, Lothar Matthaus, who made his international debut during the Weimar Republic, hints that the country is short of up and coming bright young things. But they'll probably still win it.
Romania - Nope, we don't rate their chances, especially as Gheorghe Hagi looks so unfit that flipping the coin before kick-off would leave him in a ball of sweat. All the same, on Tuesday the head of the Romanian Orthodox Church gave his blessing to the national squad as they prepared to depart for HollBelg. "I bless you to return as winners," said Patriarch Teoctist. Well, God works in mysterious ways. But not that mysterious.
Portugal - Managed by Benfica legend Humberto Coelho who declared last week: "We are ready for the tournament!", which is just as well really, seeing as it's starting today. Dark horses - which means we only know two of their players - Luis Figo and Fernando Couto.
Sweden - First manager Tommy Soderberg banned sex from the camp, then Arsenal's Fredrik Ljungberg wholeheartedly supported his decision, saying: "After having sex the night before a match, I lose all feelings in my feet." Lads? Forget sex, think about football, otherwise ye'll finish behind Belgium, Turkey and Italy in your group.
Italy - Will be wearing high-collared, skintight shirts "designed to appeal to the ladies", according to Marco Boglione, the president of Basicnet, makers of the Italian squad's kit. "The new shirt is perfect for the fair sex, because it stretches to accommodate all the curves of the body," he said, sweating profusely, while picturing Paolo Maldini decked out in said jersey.
Turkey - They knocked us out in the play-offs, so frankly we couldn't care less how they do in Euro 2000. Send us a "wish you were here" postcard, though, and we'll send you Mikey Graham's new single.
Norway - Zzzzzz. They've inflicted enough suffering on football fans the world over, surely it's time for a first-round elimination?
Yugoslavia - Well, we were fairly hopeful for the lads until their own centre half Sinisa Mihajlovic dismissed the team as "slow and old-fashioned", one that "lacked aggressiveness", "did not run hard enough", "played with great indifference" and, on the whole, was "a mediocre squad". Confidence brimming over, then. We'll take him at his word - although we still reckon they should make it to the quarter-finals, with Spain.
Slovenia - Who? Well, that's what they said about us at Italia 90. No, I haven't heard of any of their players either, but who (outside Ireland) had ever heard of John Byrne (Le Havre) 10 years ago? Stop scoffing.
Spain - Bart Simpson's favourite football nation - underachievers and proud of it. Will they shock us this time around and live up to their potential, or will the fact that almost every half decent footballer in Spanish football is non-Spanish have a bearing on their hopes of emulating Real Madrid and Valencia's achievements in the Champion League this season?
Czech Republic - Ten straight wins in the qualifiers but are they happy? But then Ireland beat them at Lansdowne Road. And Karel Poborsky has been named in the squad. Can they recover?
France - "Allez, allez, allez; allez, allez, allez," as they say. The world champions are, it appears, the tournament favourites for 99.86 per cent of any one who's any one in football punditry land and who are we to disagree? Except we predict they won't win it, if only because we were born contrary. Why? Because any defence that threatens to include Frank Leboeuf, we reckon, is done for.
Denmark - "Just to get 11 good players on the pitch at all surprises me," said Danish manager Bo Johansson last week, and that did it for us - out at the first hurdle.
England - We had little faith in Kevin Keegan's ability to lead England to glory until he revealed a few months back that "Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America" - at which point we conceded, "there are no flies on him."
But, if it's true what they say, that a team is as strong as its weakest link, you have to worry for England when you see Phil Neville's name in their squad list. So, it's obvious, isn't it - they're going to win the damn thing. The proof? "I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is," said Kev. With leadership like that, how can they fail?
