OLYMPIC TV:IT WAS only last week that a Dr Klaus Kallmayer from the City Hospital in Dubai warned that those intending watching the Olympic Games on television, from pretty much start to finish, "rather than engaging in physical activity themselves", would be putting their health at risk. In fact, "watching the proceedings from the sofa in the comfort of their living-room is no safer than actually competing," he said.

This, if we're interpreting him correctly, (and there's a chance we mightn't be), would appear to mean that those of us tuning in on television are as lionhearted, plucky and fearless as the competitors themselves - the Nicole Cookes of our living rooms, if you like.

"The weather conditions were atrocious," said Sue Barker to Britain's first gold medallist of the Games, after she had battled through what looked a bit like a typhoon to win the cycling road race.

"It was the same for everyone, no point taking it personally," said Nicole, who'd clearly heard about those of us who spent a big chunk of Saturday evening/night marooned on the M50 after it had been transformed into a scene from downtown Venice. Not a gondolier in sight, mind, just a couple of Civil Defence lads and a man walking his poodle (honest). And a flashing sign warning motorists to keep down their speed, when only in their dreams could they hit 5mph.

Anyway, "One World, One Dream, One Weather System" is our new motto for these Games, the highlight of which so far, for this couch at least, was Cooke's performance.

If the Welshwoman had dug any deeper, as the finishing line approached, she'd have come out at the toll bridge on the M50, giving the Civil Defence lads and the man walking his poodle an awful fright.

Actually, and we don't mean to go on about the M50, but the Olympic 400-metre individual medley could probably have been staged there on Saturday night, and such being the brilliance of Michael Phelps, the Kilkenny of swimming, not even having to butterfly around the Civil Defence lads and the man walking his poodle would have stopped him winning the first of quite probably a whole bunch of gold medals.

We think we saw Phelps do his thing on RTÉ's Olympics Through The Night, hosted by Clare McNamara, but to be honest, at this stage we're not sure.

We're trying hard to live by Beijing time this weather, but when we and the city's inhabitants should be sleeping the BBC is showing the unmissable basketball clash of the USA and China. Live. It's the city that never sleeps, so we aren't sleeping either.

But with Dr Kallmayer's warning in mind, we decided to take a break from the Olympics yesterday afternoon, switching over to RTÉ One for Kilkenny v Cork, figuring a change was just as good as a rest. But we kept an eye on the basketball, to the point where Henry Shefflin centred to Yao Ming, who handpassed to Joe Deane, who fed LeBron James on the left who . . . time for a power nap.

When we came to, startled by a dream about being savaged by a poodle with rabies on a waterlogged motorway, as the Civil Defence arrested Michael Phelps for not keeping his speed down, we played back what we missed, the best of which was John Joe Joyce's victory over a Hungarian fighter called Gyula Kate, who had beaten the Kildareman the last three times they'd met.

This time? "He boxed the ears off him," as Bernard Dunne put it of Joyce's display, so it was a perfect start to the post-power-nap part of the day.

Less good was the gymnastics. To be blunt about it, we'd rather have our toenails removed by tweezers than endure gymnastics. One of yesterday's competitors wore purple eyeshadow: enough said. Name any other self-respecting sport that features folk who wear eyeshadow in the line of duty? And leave Cristiano Ronaldo out of it. Exactly. None.

We watched a bit of it, though, because we were told that Colm Murray would be commentating on it. Last we saw Colm he was left in knots by some elderly Beijing ladies who tried to teach him Tai Chi, so we were concerned for his well-being. Turned out, though, that RTÉ's gymnastics man was a different kettle of Colm Murray fish, this one Ireland's top brevet judge from the men's artistic discipline. As we suspected.

"Oh my goodness, she lost it there for a moment, but now, into a straddle Jaeger," said Gerry Kelly, Colm's RTÉ gymnastics accomplice, as Spain's Lenika De Simone wrapped herself around some rubbery bar things, to the point where she almost needed the Civil Defence lads to release her.

Then we watched Donegal lose to Korea (Chloe Magee v Jaeyoun Jun) in the badminton, never a fair contest.

"Chloe, if you don't get your ass in action you're going to lose," she'd said to herself when down a game in her first-round match on Saturday. She got her ass into action and won. We've already booked our seats to watch her in London 2012, she's a mighty bit of stuff.

If she'd been in charge on the M50 on Saturday night the poodle wouldn't have got his feet wet, even if, like the rest of us, he was straddle Jaegering at the time.