GOLF/Madrid Open: Golfers engender admiration through the flick of a wrist, the whip-crack of a booming, fairway-bound drive or the swish of the blade. Darren Clarke has often inspired the lavish approbation of the sport's paying cognoscenti but yesterday at the Club de Golf La Moraleja in Madrid he managed something that dwarfed his prodigious talent.

He spoke for 22 minutes about a personal heartache that was to be finally unlocked for public consumption. Since his wife Heather's death, on Sunday, August 13th, that private grieving process has been known only to family and close friends. His decision to play in the Ryder Cup at The K Club next week fast-tracked this solitary window to his thoughts.

He won't speak about the issue again this year. The interview - a day before he tees off in the Madrid Open - may eventually be cathartic but not on this particular afternoon. Emotions were too raw. It must have been excruciating for the Dungannon man, the occasional quiver in voice-pitch and the tears shed in responding to one question betraying his agony.

Yet there wasn't a scintilla of self-pity. It was he who occasionally introduced a degree of levity to the proceedings, a welcome antidote to a difficult process. In the opening throes of the interview he explained the background to his decision to don European colours at The K Club.

"It was always at the back of my mind, whether I was going to play or not play. It was pretty obvious from early in the season that if I was going to play I was going to have to be a pick. I was trying to play as well as I could on the few occasions that I did so I could show Woosie (Europe's captain Ian Woosnam) that I was playing well, which I did on a few occasions. Thankfully, he's given me an opportunity to come and join the team and play.

"I had to do a bit of thinking and I wasn't going to come to any rash decision when Heather passed away. I spent a good deal of time thinking about whether I should or shouldn't play, the main reason being that if I was to play and not feel able to I'd be letting my team-mates down and that is the last thing I'd want to do.

"It was a very tough decision. I know Heather would have wanted me to play so I made myself available. I would have missed it if I didn't think I could contribute.

"The fact that I have played reasonably well in Ryder Cups in the past, the fact that it's in Ireland and it's matchplay (made up my mind).

"Matchplay was a huge reason for me playing."

He rejected the notion he risked coming back too soon.

"No. Not really. Heather was diagnosed two weeks after the last Ryder Cup, so basically two years of it. It's not as if it's happened out of the blue. It's been something that's been building up. I knew this was going to happen as most people do in that situation. I was thinking about it a lot and came to the conclusion that I think is the right one."

His priority is the welfare of his sons Tyrone (8) and Conor (5), from taking the former to school, trying to spend quality time with both, to sitting down and explaining his plans.

He has been overwhelmed by the goodwill that has poured in from around the world - emails, letters, cards - as well as that of his fellow golfers, including Tiger Woods. But the most poignant legacy of his wife's death is that left by Heather.

"She was always very much behind me, pushing me out there, kicking me out the door to go and play tournaments. She would want me to play. She wasn't the sort of person who would want me to sit about and mope at home. She would want me to get out there working again as long as the boys were okay.

"I don't know if it is a release (the golf course) or not but it's (more about) me getting back to normality, getting back to my way of life and what I did before. Life has changed now and my priorities are my kids. I have to get back to work at some stage.

"I'm trying to do as well as I can. My boys are fine. With them being back in school again and back in a routine, I'm getting on with things as best I can.

"At some stage I have to grow up. This is the prime time for it. I have added responsibilities now and I have to do the right thing, both by my boys and my job.

"I'm just doing what anyone would do in my position. It's a difficult one but it's one I'm going to have to get used to and I will get used to it.

"Both my family and Heather's family have spent a lot of time at the house helping me with the boys, just making it an awful lot easier.

"Yeah, I have battled through a lot of things which fortunately a lot of people never have to battle through - a lot do, don't get me wrong. But I have had to face up to a lot of tough things and I feel I have come out of it a better person. I hope I have.

"I will get myself through it. Nobody else. My team will help me and the support from everybody else will help me but I will deal with it and I will get through it and I will enjoy the week. I have no dread of the situation.

"I'd be a liar to sit here and say that there won't be a few times where I feel uncomfortable. It was always coming where at some stage I would have to stand up and get on with my life and that is what I am trying to do."