Dear IRFU,
These are desperate times and desperate times call for desperate measures. The rugby people of Ulster have been patient and have, up until now, kept their own counsel. But now the time for prevarication and reticence has passed. The decline of the national team has been so relentless over the past few years that the problems go far beyond humiliation in the World Cup and the prospect of the wooden spoon in this season's Six Nations Championship. The very fabric of the game here, its lifeblood, is now under threat and we say enough is enough.
The price of further inaction is too awful to contemplate. It is bad enough that our rugby team is sliding inexorably down the international rankings and that our national side is now feared by only Hungary and Armenia. But the possibility of being cast into the rugby wilderness has other more serious ramifications. You now have to realise that great staple of Ulster rugby life known colloquially as "the weekend away in Dublin" is under threat and that if we do not fight tooth and nail to protect it then it could be lost forever. Fifty-point drubbings we can take. Missing out on the terrific exchange rate for sterling, the pub crawl down Grafton Street and the room in the Berkley Court is a lot harder to stomach.
Only the most churlish of you Southerners would disagree that our contribution to Ireland's cause over the years has been immense. And it goes far beyond supplying the Mike Gibsons and Willie Johns of this world. International weekends have been illuminated time and again by some sparkling Northern wit and our raucous hotel bar antics. These have usually culminated in touching, late night "hands across the divide" encounters with burly props from Limerick who have come away from seven-hour drinking sessions encouraged by the fact that "they're really just the same as us". This is not to suggest that we're claiming all the credit for smoothing the way towards the current Peace Process but we would like to think that in our own humble little way we have made a difference. Few areas of your life down there have remain untouched by our great Friday night exoduses from Ballymena, Bangor and Belfast during those cold, unwelcoming months of January, February and March. Take your train service as just one example. Ordinary commuters have been spared long and boring journeys to Dublin by our boisterous japes and general hilarity as we kick off our weekend in style. e [I] rugby ditties. We have done our bit to shorten the journey and we seek no praise.
Our contribution goes further. For years you have been saddled by a morose and incomprehensible national anthem which was unloved by everyone, especially us. Thanks to our sterling work and forceful contributions to the debate, that dirge has now been consigned to the GAA games you play down there. The happy spin-off has been that you can now bask in the musical and lyrical magnificence that is Ireland's Call. Again we would like to think we have been more than magnanimous during this whole process. It would have been all too easy to push our claim for parity of esteem and press for a recognisable Ulster-Scots contribution to the new lyrics. We know our rights. But we are not in the business of ramming culture down anyone's throat. So what if nobody, not even the players, knows the tune or the words to Ireland's Call? Say what you like about it, but at least it's not divisive.
The list goes on and on but it has become increasingly clear to us that we have received precious little in return. Our players are treated dismissively and our teams are regularly hammered in the all-Ireland League by southern sides which show little or no compassion or understanding. With the situation so uncertain, it is surely in nobody's interest that we should be offended at this delicate stage. That is why we have decided to speak out now.
The rugby team we love is in danger of becoming the sick man of Europe and if the powers that be decide to call time on Ireland's involvement in the Six Nations then our cherished weekends in Dublin would disappear. In that nightmare scenario the only sporting carrot dangling in front of us would be trips to Croke Park. We have investigated this possibility and have been dismayed to find out that most of us would have to support Antrim.
THERE IS always the option of transferring to another GAA county - we have heard that Down have won a few things over the years. They do seem to get out and about a bit more but even then it is our understanding that GAA people do things differently. For a start they have this old-fashioned and antiquated custom of travelling up and down to the game in one day. Surely this cannot be fair on all those fine Dublin Four bars and hotels.
Even more worrying are the reports that GAA pre-match rituals do not generally involve frenzied lunch-time drinking followed by a finger-buffet in the corporate hospitality tent. Incredible as it may seem to us, these GAA people seem to prefer standing at the side of the road eating ham and mustard sandwiches and drinking flasks of milky tea. This may be their way of doing things but it most certainly is not ours. That GAA alternative is not acceptable to us. Nor is throwing our lot in with the Northern Ireland football team a viable option, although we would share with their fans that common experience of repeatedly returning empty-handed from long journeys abroad.
But we will not be silenced and we are using this opportunity to say that something must be done. In the past you have adopted an equivocal attitude towards Ulster-born coaches but that should now change. Warren Gatland has had his opportunity and we are saying that if all that we love about our game is to be protected, we need a new man at the helm. Our choice is a man with international experience who has brought that same fierce will to win into management. He is intelligent, articulate and, more to the point, he is one of us. That man is Martin O'Neill and we say he should be the next Ireland rugby coach. Ignore what we are saying at your peril.
Yours in rugby,
The Committee of CFOUR (Concerned Friends of Ulster Rugby).
