CRICKET: A Sri Lanka tour that began with one of England's most overwhelming one-day defeats ended just as ignominiously yesterday with one of their worst trouncings in Test history.
A margin of an innings and 215 runs represented England's third largest innings defeat ever as a series characterised by grim, defensive cricket rushed to an unexpectedly swift conclusion.
Unsurprisingly, three disastrous hours into this third Test, when they collapsed to 139 for five on a flat SSC pitch, England's fancies began to turn to Christmas at home.
Sri Lanka is a devilishly difficult place in which to win a Test series but England's recent improvements have stalled: an able and experienced top six is in need of a transfusion from at least one possessor of young blood and their bowling attack, undermined by injury, has been unable to disguise its naivety.
There was a resignation to England's cricket yesterday; the pitch had deteriorated a little but not as much as their mental state. Their hanging-in-there philosophy in Sri Lanka might be compared to a football team putting 10 men behind the ball away from home and banking on a breakaway goal. It is how England won here in 2001 but it hardly espouses the confidence of a country which supposedly aims to be the best in the world by 2007.
It was fitting the last action should come from Muttiah Muralitharan. He was indubitably the man of the series, collecting the last of his 26 wickets 70 minutes into the final session by bowling James Kirtley through the gate and England had finally been dismantled for 148 in 68 overs of futile resistance.
Murali had begun the day by again playing the batting clown, slogging an unbeaten 21 from 10 balls before Sri Lanka, batting on for a further 10 overs and 65 runs, were sated at 628 for eight declared. He was asked at the presentation ceremony if he realised that in 2003 he has scored more Test runs than Sachin Tendulkar and at a higher average? He giggled at the statistical absurdity and promised to keep batting as a number 11 should.
But, if Murali the batsman has poked fun at England, Murali the bowler has destroyed them. His series figures were 231.4-109-320-26. Where two-and-a-half years ago he conceded 1.8 runs per over, this time he has conceded only 1.4. His exceptional ability to turn the ball both ways has rendered England's batsmen powerless. How Australia cope later this winter will be intriguing.
Murali's presence was best summed up by the solemn and urbane announcement from the PA man, Wachindra Bandara. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Sri Lankan captain, Hashan Tillekeratne, has effected a bowling change and has brought on Sri Lanka's exuberant exponent of exaggerated off-spin, Muttiah Muralitharan."
By then England had lost three of their wickets. Marcus Trescothick had a first over to forget, a duck being all he deserved as he carved Chaminda Vaas lazily to backward point. Michael Vaughan, so resilient in Kandy, was also fortunate not to make nought as he chipped Dilhara Fernando close to square-leg but Fernando's clever changes of pace had him by lunchtime, propping a drive to Sanath Jayasuriya at short extra cover.
Indeed every England batsman started badly. Mark Butcher was terrorised by Upul Chandana, Nasser Hussain was struck on the shoulder by Fernando. Survival for five-and-a-half sessions felt impossible and England's heart was not in it. Three quick wickets for Murali merely hastened the inevitable.
If Hussain did edge Murali, it was by the merest sliver. The doubt summed up his frustrating tour. It also gave further credence to the "Juggle Theory", which holds that a wicketkeeper is much more likely to win a debatable appeal if he fails to take the ball cleanly but heightens the excitement by catching the ball after lots of flapping around. As Kumar Sangakkara often catches the ball this way, he has something of a head start.
Thorpe has tried all ways to subdue Murali. This time, with the series lost, he risked adventurous footwork, left his crease and a wrong 'un sailed between bat and pad - an easy stumping, even for Sangakkara. Gareth Batty, promoted to number six in the role of unapologetic blocker, was stumped first ball although the decision of the television umpire, Tyron Wijewardene, looked debatable.
By now Sri Lankan spectators were packing the popular grass banking to witness the kill, skirting prostrate, sun-reddened England supporters, who had long become resigned to defeat. A hat-trick from Murali was almost their reward as Andrew Flintoff's first ball barged off bat and glove but evaded silly mid-off.
Two lbws for Jayasuriya - Butcher deceived by a quicker one, the mediocre Chris Read beaten by turn - left the PA announcer to sum up, in old-school-tie English: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the final session. In the afternoon England made rapid progress from 39 for two to 93 for seven."
Sri Lanka soon had their first series win against England and Tillekeratne his first win as captain, enough to ensure his survival for the three-Test series against Australia. England appeared before their followers for a sheepish thank you. The skies were blue, Colombo was happiness and holiday-makers, paying peak-season prices, were flocking in their thousands. All England wanted to do was slink off home.