We keep telling you never to give up hope, to hang on in there, to persevere valiantly, to beaver away nobly, but do you listen? Oh no. If, for example, we'd told Tim Morris back in week 15 that there was every chance he'd be leading the competition by week 22 he'd very probably have guffawed, in a scornfully dismissive kind of way.
The source of his mirth and negativity? The gap, back then, between his Missing Links 3 team (then in 38th place) and Ray Charles' Castle Street 1, which went top that week. The magnitude of that gap? A rather meaty £270,119.
Since then? Tim has won £334,058 more than Ray and is our new overall leader, ending Castle Street 1's seven-week reign at the top, and leading by a not insignificant £63,939.
So Tim Morris of Palmerstown, Dublin, what have you got to say for yourself? "The suffering, the torment, the agony . . . this is taking over my life," he grieved, evidently loving every minute of it all.
"I don't like what it's doing to me, to be honest," he admitted. "My wife and myself are great fans of Padraig Harrington so, naturally, I had him in my team. But just before the two Irish tournaments, when it was crunch time for transfers, I came home one night, turned on Aertel and saw that Harrington had a wrist injury. So I said to Noreen 'I have to bring in Clarke, I can't risk it'. She looked at me in horror.
"So I made the phone call, swapped Harrington for Darren Clarke - making transfers is like coming out of confession - then turned on the Network 2 news and there was Harrington being interviewed, fine as you could be, no problem at all. I looked at Noreen and said 'oh nooo'.
"Then I went to the European Open for the four days and for the first time ever I wasn't being very supportive of Harrington - I wasn't wishing any bad on him but . . . oh, I really don't like what this is doing to me. Anyway, Clarke won so it worked out for the best. But I felt bad."
And what about Paul McGinley? "Oh yeah - the little things that happen, you get so involved. He hit a guy on the head at the British Open just when he was going alright. The poor guy ended up in hospital but worse still, for a Golf Masters manager, the ball bounced in to a bush. Yes, there was a degree of sympathy for the poor fella, but my main concern was for the ball."
Tim Morris on fame and celebrity: "All my friends say they'll enter next year because they think I'm useless so if I'm leading they reckon they'll have a great chance of winning it". And: "I've a cousin in Galway I haven't been in contact with for years and I got an email from him the other day. 'Is that you up there at the top?' he asked. I replied 'yes' and he came back and said, 'We'll all be cheering for you in Claregalway'. Fantastic."
The Big Question: will Tim Morris win the 2001 Golf Masters? "No, I've peaked too early. But you know the way the Big Brother people have set up a counselling service for people who can't cope with the programme being over? Could you do the same for Golf Masters' managers?" Mmm, we'll give it some thought.
Meanwhile, our thoughts will be with Tim (and his rivals) as they sit through the Scandinavian Masters and the International, the only US Tour event to use that peculiar stableford scoring system. Hang on in there Tim.
